Thursday, July 22, 2010

Laying a Foundation

For the first time in our marriage so far, we have a big indicator that I might be pregnant. Turns out, I'm just sick. I've wondered for days now if God might finally (well, "finally" in my mind, although that's probably wrong thinking) be granting my heart's desire by giving us children. I couldn't bear to take the test, though, in case it was negative. But my hand was lovingly forced at the doctor's office today. He knows how much we want to have children, & he's a wonderful doctor, so he was genuinely sorry to pronounce the results. At least I know now. But, realizing the possibility has set my mind whirling on how I want things to go if the time ever does come that I am with child. Thinking that I might have a child within me, several things occurred to me:

     -I was more conscious of the attitudes & feelings that I allowed to hold sway. I don't want any sinfully negative feelings to affect our baby. I realize I can't always prevent this - something I've just proven over here; I am human, after all - but that doesn't mean I shouldn't fight against it.

     -I was more conscious of what food I put into my body. I want our child/children to have the healthiest environment possible as they're developing. I do not want their little bodies to be invaded with the harmful chemicals found in so much of our food today, thanks to processing. And then, I want this healthy habit to continue throughout their lives.

     -I was more conscious of the words I allowed to come out of my mouth. Even though a baby at this stage wouldn't be able to hear me, I would want to start a pattern of speech where I'm more in control of my tongue.

     -I began to think of all of the ways that we want to raise our children. How we want them to love God first & foremost & for this to show in their conduct towards others. I thought of all of the things that I need to do - that I need to know - to be the best mother possible.

These are just some of the thoughts that paraded through my mind in the past few days. Even though I'm not pregnant, that doesn't mean that all of this thinking was in vain. I can - no, I must - lay the groundwork for each of these things now. I must have control over my own feelings & over my tongue. I've had a practically life-long battle with attitudes & behaviors towards food, but I must begin that fight again & win this time. In thinking of our baby's health, it occurred to me that I don't want anything unnatural going into my body &, thus, into his/hers. I can start now preparing a healthy environment for any little one that God gives us in the future. I have a strong desire to be a good mother, & that means many things for me. It is difficult for me not to want to be perfect. I want to be firm, but not too strict; disciplined, but not overbearing; methodical, but able to be spontaneous. I want to be loving & fun. I want to be godly. I won't be perfect. I won't be able to do any of this without fail, nor will I be able to do even the smallest part without the help of God. So, with His aid & in His power, I will lay the foundation for physical, mental, & spiritual health & well-being for our future children. And if He doesn't grant us children? Well, I'll still benefit from the sanctification this endeavor will bring. Nothing is ever in vain when done in Christ!