A Prayer about Good Grief and God’s Comfort ~ Scotty Smith

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

~Matt. 5:4

Now may our Lord Jesus Christ himself, and God our Father, who loved us and gave us eternal comfort and good hope through grace, comfort your hearts.

~2 Thess. 2:16-17

Heavenly Father, I’ve enjoyed hard work most of my life. I don’t mind investing the hours, expending the energy and breaking a sweat (physical and mental) for things that really matter. On the other hand, heart work has been more difficult for me, especially the heart work of grief. I don’t like grief because I don’t like loss, and I don’t like loss because it exposes my brokenness, and it makes me feel vulnerable and out of control—which, of course, I really am.

But I trust you Father, and because you tell me grief work is gospel work, I’ll roll up the sleeves of my heart and get busy. Send your Spirit into this moment and enable me to experience the blessing of mourning—the blessing of grieving as you intend. Then, and only then, will I enjoy the comfort you alone can give.

Help me to grieve the ways I grieve you, Father. I know I’ll never lose your love. I know that I can’t make you love me more, or less, by what I do. But give me the good grief of confessing my sins from a heart of love—a heart that loves your glory more than anything else. Help me to cry out with King David, “Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight.” No condemnation in Christ must not lead to no contrition for my sin. Give me guiltless humility.

Help me grieve the ways I hurt others. Don’t let me get used to wounding anyone’s heart. Forgive me when I make excuses for loving poorly, or try to justify my unkind words, critical attitude or aloof indifference. Help me humble myself, listen to the stories of people I hurt, and repent to your glory. Give me gospel sensibilities.

Help me to grieve the ways others hurt me. Neither minimizing nor demonizing the failures of others is in line with the truth of the gospel. I cannot forgive what I’m unwilling to voice, and I will not forgive what I’m unwilling to release. Forgive me for downplaying the ways I’ve been deeply hurt. Denial and overlooking aren’t the same. Forgive me for holding some people hostage to my bitterness. What I usually call righteous anger is more often self-righteous spite. Mercy-fy my heart.

Come, Lord Jesus, come gracious Father, you love us perfectly and completely, and you have given us “eternal comfort and good hope through grace.” Come now and grant us good grief gospel comfort today. So very Amen we pray, in Jesus’ kind and kingly name.

It's good for our hearts to be strengthened by grace.

~Hebrews 13:9

My Prayer for Michael Today

O Lord God of heaven,

The great and awesome God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love Him and keep His commandments, let Your ear be attentive and Your eyes open, to hear the prayer of Your servant that I now pray before You day and night for my husband. Grant him continual patience and forbearance to live with me, a wicked wife.  For I have sinned against You; I have acted very corruptly against You by forsaking my duty to help my husband lead our home in righteousness and the fear of You; I have not kept Your commandments, Your statutes, or the rules that You commanded Your servant Moses.

Give him boldness and wisdom to rebuke and exhort me when I am unfaithful to Your Word, when I neglect prayer, fail to redeem the time, speak carelessly, walk foolishly, fail to hope in You, seek great things for myself, become anxious about tomorrow. Do not let him cease praying for me when I am beset with the fear of man, the cares of the world, or the love of money. May he never lose confidence that, in spite of my many iniquities and shortcomings, I am Your servant whom You have redeemed by Your great power and by Your strong hand.

O Lord, let Your ear be attentive to the prayer of Your servant, and to the prayers of my husband who delights to fear Your name, and give success to him today, and grant him mercy (Nehemiah 1).

~excerpted from Prayers of an Excellent Wife, pg. 17

Prayers for Drawn From Water

**Update #2:  What we were all hoping & praying for did not come to pass.  God, in His wisdom & love, has a different plan.  We don't know what that is or what the end result will be, but we have to rest in His sovereignty & goodness.  He knows, & that's enough.

*Update:  There is a new post with details about the current struggle at DFW.  It's disturbing, & I ask that you pray even more fervently.

I just saw this & wanted to pass it on.  I've told y'all about Drawn From Water before, & I think that what they're doing to save children's lives in Ethiopia both presently & eternally is amazing.  They're asking for our prayers now, so I'm asking you to come alongside me & all of the other believers who are beseeching God on their behalf.  May God move in mighty ways for the good of His children & the glory of His name!

Highs & Lows

Today I have experienced my highest high & my lowest low.  My high actually came yesterday (& carried over into today) with the news that God has delivered our loved one from her trial.  We had a possible terminal diagnosis from one doctor, but she received a second work-up yesterday from a specialist & received a clean bill of health!  We have all held firmly to the belief that God is good in good times & in bad.  We have queried with Job, "Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?" and answered with a resounding, "though He slay me, I will hope in Him".  God brought us to the brink, & then snatched us back.  And through this brief, though fierce, trial He has taught many & brought many to Him.  It's astounding to see the number of people that were touched & the faiths that were deepened through this situation.  "For great is the LORD, and greatly to be praised, and He is to be held in awe above all gods." (1 Chron. 16:25)

My low has come just this evening when we picked Ginger & Jake up from my father-in-law's.  Between yesterday morning when we dropped her off & this evening, her lymph nodes have doubled in size!  "How did this happen in one day?!", I choked out through sobs to Michael.  Apparently, this is what happens when the cancer is out of control.  Her whole face is now filled with swollen lymph nodes & her airway is being obstructed more.  She doesn't seem to be in distress, although she obviously doesn't feel well.  I have a very bad feeling that we're coming to the end much faster than I expected.  I thought we had a couple of months maybe, but it's now looking like a couple of weeks or even days.  I feel like I can't breathe.  I'm on the verge of tears constantly.  Please pray that God will give me grace to get through this (I know He will).  Please pray that Ginger won't suffer.  Please pray that I'll have the strength to end her suffering, if it should come to that.  Please pray it won't.  Please pray for my dear mother & husband who suffer immensely at my suffering.  Oh, God, please help me!

Pray for Katie

I'm sure most, if not all, of you are aware of Katie Davis, the young woman who left her life in America right after high school to serve God & His people in Uganda - which included adopting 14 girls.  And she's only 20!  I've never met her, but I've gotten to know her somewhat through her blog.  Her obvious love for God is magnetic.  Well, I come to you today asking for prayers for her & her girls.  I'm not sure what's going on - the post is cryptic, I'm certain for a reason - but just go to God on their behalf, please.  He knows the situation, & He bids His saints to pray. 

You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you. (John 15:16)

You do not have, because you do not ask.  You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions. (James 4:2b-3)

Prayer Warriors

"It Began with Bale" from Drawn From Water on Vimeo.

There is a faithful group of believers living in rural Africa who are fulfilling a mission - a calling - to be tools in the hand of Almighty God to save children from being murdered by their tribes.  These are children who have been deemed "mingi" - unclean - & sentenced to death by the tribe elders.  A designation of mingi can come about by means of a number of routes, including pregnancy out of wedlock or their teeth coming in on the top before the bottom.  The instrument of death is usually, as far as I can tell, drowning in the river.  This group of believers seeks to save these children from death &, when successful, bring them to their orphanage where they are loved, clothed, fed, sheltered, protected, & taught about Christ.  They're not always successful; Satan has a hold on these tribes & is not going to give that up without a fight.  Lately, several children have been killed before they can get to them.  This is why I'm coming to you today to plead with you to join in as prayer warriors.  This evil must be fought on our knees.  Please visit Drawn From Water & lift these believers & the tribes up to God in prayer.

"Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil.  For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.  Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm." ~Eph. 6:11-13

Pray For Me - PLEASE

The last couple of weeks have been fraught with struggle. I can't elaborate on some of the details in such a public way, although I can assure you that it's nothing to do with our marriage. We're happy as pigs in mud. So, no worries there, okay?

If you've read through our blog up to this point, you've seen mention of my "difficult relationship". Well, that particular difficulty has reared its ugly head once more. It had been relatively easy to let harsh words & frustrating behaviors roll off my back, but now. . .well. . .it's not. Now, I'm struggling to feel the love that just recently seemed to come so easily. Okay, that's not really true. I'm definitely not "feelin' the love", but I'm not fighting for it, either. Nor am I struggling to contain my anger. Nope, I'm letting it have full reign. And, if I'm honest again, I don't want to reign it in. I've been hurt & it feels good to be angry. Here's the rub, though: I know it's wrong. I know full well that I'm sinning in my anger. And I don't like that, not one bit. That's why I'm letting y'all know about this particular struggle. I don't want to feel loving & I don't want to let go of my anger. Right now, I'm not even sure that I want to want to! So, I'm having to pray for that desire, & I'm asking you to pray for me as well.

The other struggle comes in the form of my sweet baby girl, Ginger. If you remember, she was diagnosed with cancer Christmas Eve '08. She went into a remission last summer that has lasted all the way until now. But now, it's back with a vengeance. We took all the babies into the vet in the middle of May for their yearly shots & everyone marveled at how well Ginger's been doing. We even wondered if maybe God had healed her. I know that sounds crazy - like, why would He heal a dog when He doesn't heal people? - but this remission was rare. Her first remission lasted only 3 months, & the rule of thumb is that the length of a subsequent remission will only be half. So, I should have lost her last Fall at the latest. (I have to pause here & publically praise God for giving me more time with her than is supposed to be medically possible.  I'm more grateful than I can say.)  Here she is a year out, with no sign of the cancer. Could it have been that God had answered my frantic down-in-my-bones cries with a "yes"? It seemed so. Until the end of May. I felt what may be her lymph nodes popping back out in her neck. We went in to our vet again - who, if I may say so, is an absolute God-send to us - & he thought it was probably the vaccines, but he wanted to keep an eye on it. So, we made our weekly trip to his office last week (on our anniversary, no less) for the confirmation of my fear that the nodes are larger & the cancer is back. In the past week, those nodes have continued to grow while some others in front of her shoulders went from nonexistent to tennis ball-size. We've gotten her started on Prednisone, which has already begun to shrink the nodes, & we have another treatment plan set to begin Monday. But, ultimately, we're just delaying the inevitable. This cancer is terminal. It's only a matter of time before it kills her. And it breaks my heart to know that. I've broken down sobbing countless times over the last couple of weeks. Like right now. I can't stand the thought of what's coming, but it's coming nonetheless. I'm scared. This is painful now, but it's going to be exponentially more painful when God takes her. Everything in me is screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO LOSE HER!!!" And yet, I will. God will see me through it. Michael will see me through it. I do know that. I desperately need your prayers. She may not be a human, but she is my baby.