Are Respect & Submission Synonymous?

I've written on submission before, so forgive me for strolling down these paths again, but I feel compelled to address the issue once more after Michele Bauchmann's absurd remark that submission & respect are synonymous in her marriage.  Certainly, respect is a vital component of any healthy marriage, but it is not the same as submission, & we'd be fools to act as though they are.  Respect is to hold someone in esteem, while submission is to yield to another's authority.  Oftentimes, we will respect those whom we submit to, but we don't always submit to those whom we respect.  For instance, I respect my sister-in-law, but I'm not submissive towards her.  On the other hand, I both respect & submit to Michael.  He, however, while respecting me does not submit to me.  That is not his calling as my husband, while it is mine as his wife.  God has been clear in His Word:

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, His body, and is Himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. (Eph. 5:22-24)

Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. (Col. 3:18)

Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the Word of God may not be reviled. (Titus 2:3-5)

We should practice both respect & submission in our marriages without confusing the two.  They are both important, but they are not interchangeable.  Let's live in the light of God's Word so that our marriages may be glorifying to God.

Soli Deo Gloria!

GirlTalk Gems

Sorry for the very, very long absence.  I just haven't had the desire to share much of anything.  But I came across these gems from GirlTalk & just had to break my silence.

Equality in Marriage?

"I once had lively discussion with a brother who insisted that in his relationship everything was equal, and that this was the hallmark of their marriage. To him equal meant same and therefore interchangeable. He proudly rejected the idea of male initiation and female response. And what is more, he thought he was serving the cause of women in this.

I responded by saying that in my marriage, my wife and I never think about equality, though if forced to think about it we would affirm our mutual worth before God. Instead, I see my wife as better and more precious than I--of greater worth. And I told him my wife took no offense in this matter. Indeed she gets upset with me precisely at the point when I start treating her as my equal. To her it feels like a step down."

~John Ensor, Doing Things Right In Matters of the Heart, p. 95

Submission & Spiritual Gifts

Yet another way we can misapply submission is by assuming it squashes a woman's gifts. But that is not God's intent for submission. Remember, "each has received a gift" (1 Pet 4:10). This means every Christian: no exceptions and no reversals. We have each been given talents and spiritual gifts by God and we are called to use them, as it says in this verse "to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace."
 
Submission does not limit a woman's gifts, but provides a safety zone in which they can flourish. A humble husband will not assume he is the best at everything or exercise his leadership in an arrogant or domineering way. A wise husband will encourage, nourish, and cultivate his wife's gifts for the good of the family and the church. And a godly wife will welcome that kind of godly leadership.

In some cases, submission means that at we heed our husband's encouragement to step out and use our gifts, even if we are hesitant or afraid. And at other times, submission means we follow our husband when he thinks we should pull back from serving, because we are overextended to the detriment of our spiritual health or family life.

So a submissive wife isn't on the sidelines--she's a good steward of God's varied grace. And a wise and loving husband takes seriously his responsibility to encourage his wife to use her gifts for the glory of God.

Practicing Submission

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, His body, and is Himself its Savior.  Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

~Ephesians 5:22-24

Let's be honest here - this is easier said than done.  Even someone who loves this teaching, such as myself, has trouble putting it into practice with consistency.  I know I need to submit to Michael, I want to submit to Michael & so honor both him & God, but I'm stubbornly independent at times.  Like a mule!

We spent Thursday evening at the couples' Bible study, & our pastor asked a nearby couple what the biggest adjustment to marriage has been for them.  If I had been asked that question, I would have replied without hesitation, "Submission."  It's hard to have a staunch opinion on how something should be done & then have to act contrary to it.  But submission doesn't happen when Michael & I are in agreement.  Submission takes place when we have differing plans & I willingly put mine aside to embrace his.

I've been convicted over the last couple of days about how far short I have fallen in this area.  So, with God's help, I'm working to do a better job of putting my convictions into practice.  I got that chance Thursday.  That morning I spent a couple of hours at the ladies' Bible study, & then headed to the grocery store for a few items.  When I made it home, my plan was to fix lunch & then bake a cake for that evening's couples' Bible study.  However, Michael had other plans.  He's built some shelves in our storage shed & wanted me to help him move some boxes out there & get things organized.  So, he asked me to go back to the store & buy a dessert.  Uncharacteristically, I happily & easily agreed with nary an argument or sour expression.  Point 1 for Chrissy!  But that's not all.  Poor sweet fella was famished by this time, so my plans for cooking lunch went out the window.  God graciously gave me another opportunity to practice submission, & I'll tell you how that worked itself out in just a second, but first let me give you some background.  Michael & I are wanting to eat healthier & lose weight, so we haven't eaten out in almost 2 weeks.   It's working, too!  We're both losing weight (of course, him more than me) & saving money to boot!  So, we're both heavily opposed to eating out.  Cue conversation.

Me:  "Okay, I have an idea, but I think you're probably going to shoot it down.  Since we're short on time, & you're so hungry, why don't I head over to Chick-fil-A?"

Michael:  "No.  We're doing really well, & I don't want to mess that up."

Me:  "It's not like we'd be eating out just because we want to; there are extenuating circumstances.  I think this is the best choice right now.  But, I'll leave it up to you.  We'll do whatever you want."

Michael:  (after some consideration)  "Okay, but what are you going to get?"

Me:  "The regular.  A number one, well done.  Although, we don't have to get the drink.  So, 2 sandwiches & fries."

Michael:  "What size fries?"

Me:  (somewhat bashfully, because I know where this is going)  "Large."

Michael:  (even though he knows he's talking to a fry addict)  "We should get medium.  We're small people.  Small people don't need large fries."

Me:  (after much consideration) "Alright.  Medium.  This submission thing sucks."  (said with a smile)

Michael:  (as I'm walking to the door)  "Have you ever had the grilled sandwiches?  We should -"

Me:  "Submission over!  I am not getting grilled!"

End result:  I came home with 2 Chick-fil-A chicken sandwiches, well done, & 2 medium fries.  You didn't honestly expect me to do the grilled ones, did you?!

Obviously, I need some more practice.  ;-)

Joy & Peace Through Submission

Submission.  It's a word over which many women get their hackles raised.  A lot of women make it a point to exclude the word "obey" from their wedding vows, for they have absolutely no intention of submitting to any man - including their husband.  I believe our view should be contrary to this worldly stance, & that we should revel in including a vow to obey our husbands in our wedding vows because we want to honor God's Word in our marriages:

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, His body, and is Himself its Savior.  Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.  (Eph. 5:22-24)

Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.  (Col. 3:18)

Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the Word of God may not be reviled.  (Titus 2:3-5)

To personalize it, if you notice, the whole reason that I am to submit to Michael is because of Christ.  I submit to Michael (who also has commands about how he is to love me) as the church submits to Christ.  I submit to Michael so "that the Word of God may not be reviled".  I believe this, I treasure this, but I'm not always so good at actually living this.

Case in point:  Michael & I had a disagreement last night.  Each of us laid out our arguments.  Neither of us were budging.  Both of us were frustrated - me more so than him, as he is much more godly than I, although he'll blush & disagree when he reads this assertion.  Finally, he called me over to him, took my hand in his, & prayed.  He prayed that God would help us find a solution.  We said our "Amens", & then I made a confession.

"I didn't pray with you", said I.  He was surprised.  "I prayed over you."  Not in an "interceding for" way, but in a "talking over" way.  I wanted God to hear what I had to say.  And what I said to God was, "I don't want to change my mind; I don't want to do it his way" over & over.  When Michael asked God to help us find a solution, my thought was, "The solution is that he needs to bend to my will."  Immediately, in a burst of clarity, my very next thought was, "I'm supposed to submit to him, not the other way around."  Aw, man!  Durn it, you mean, I don't get my way?!  "Did God already answer our prayer?", Michael laughingly queried.

He had indeed.  In a marriage, there are many opportunities for disagreement.  Michael & I are so very much alike, but we're not identical.  Sometimes we have incredibly different ideas.  He always listens to my input - even when I'm pushy about it - but my input is not the last word.  He has directives from God's Word to be my head "even as Christ is the head of the church", while I am commanded to "submit in everything to [my] husband".

And even though I don't get my way in this instance, I've discovered that there's great joy & peace in our marriage when I do things God's way.  Imagine that.