God's Truth Convicts & Heals

I've been chafing lately under the storms of my life. Granted, I know perfectly well that my "storms" don't even begin to compare with those that are raging through others' lives. Not even close. At one time, that wasn't much help to me, but it is now. Now I realize that even though I may not be as tried as others at the moment, that doesn't diminish the hurt that I feel in the midst of the fire. But it does put things into perspective. So, while I smart over my own gashes & scars, I give thanks that they're not deeper & more lasting than they are, while praying for those whose wounds are very deep & lasting.

One trial after another has washed over me, & the cumulative effect has been for me to grow irritable, selfish, & unmerciful towards others. As only God can ordain things, He has chiseled at me with four successive writings in the last couple of days that have brought me up short. As a result, I have been humbled, made meek. I have been shown my own sin & folly & been sorely ashamed. Sorely ashamed &, yet, healed. I don't think we can really, truly take refuge in the Gospel until we've been brought face-to-face with how abominable our sin is.

The first was this post by my favorite new blog. She quotes from Spurgeon's Morning and Evening (July 11 morning entry). It so gripped my sore & hardened heart that I had to read it for myself in our copy. The most convicting part for me was:

     "But notice how this blessing of being established in the faith is gained. The apostle’s words point us to suffering as the means employed- “After you have suffered a little while.” It is of no use to hope that we shall be well rooted if no winds pass over us. Those old gnarlings on the root of the oak tree and those strange twistings of the branches all tell of the many storms that have swept over it, and they are also indicators of the depth into which the roots have forced their way. So the Christian is made strong and firmly rooted by all the trials and storms of life. Do not shrink then from the tempestuous winds of trial, but take comfort, believing that by their rough discipline God is fulfilling this benediction to you.”

On the heels of this, came this article on Girls Gone Wise. As I read through different women whom I admire who have laid down their very lives for Christ, I was stabbed through the heart again. They laid aside cherished dreams and lived their entire lives in service to God out of love for Christ. And here I am, demanding my own comfort, complaining over a few little inconveniences & aggravations?! Disgusting!

     "When I study these women’s lives, I am astounded and inspired by their level of commitment to Jesus Christ. They didn’t just say He was their first love; they lived it. Whether they gave up their right to be married in order to serve Christ, or gave up the “happily ever after” lifestyle they’d always dreamed of, nothing was more important than protecting the honor of their Lord and King.

So it must be with us."

Not to be outdone, Michael read this to me from Foundations of the Christian Faith by Boice:

     "Self-denial should not be difficult for any Christian to understand for this is what it means to become a Christian. It means to have turned your back on any attempt to please God through your own human abilities and efforts, and instead to have accepted by faith what God has done in Christ for your salvation. . . .Living the Christian life is, therefore, only a matter of continuing in the way we have started." (pg. 461)

He, perhaps unwittingly, touched upon exactly that sore spot that God wanted him to touch. Here I've been demanding my own way, expecting certain loving treatment that I'm entitled to, & refusing to deny my own comfort for the sake of someone else. Then he reads this to me. Ouch.

And then, finally, I picked up my copy of Young Lady's Guide to the Harmonious Development of Christian Character by Harvey Newcomb & opened up to Chapter 4 entitled "Charity". I was immediately convicted, & when I read it aloud to Michael I burst into tears over this:

     "Charity suffers long. It will endure ill treatment, and prefer suffering to strife. It will not resent the first encroachments, but patiently bear with injuries as long as they can be borne. If charity reigns in your heart, you will consider how many and aggravated are your own offences against God, and yet that His long-suffering bears with your perverseness, and He is daily loading you with benefits; and shall you be impatient with the slightest offences from a fellow-worm? Consider, also, how liable you are to encroach upon the rights of others, and to try their patience by your infirmities. Do not, therefore, be hasty in the indulgence of hard thoughts of others, nor impatient of their faults and infirmities. How much contention and strife might be avoided by a little forbearance! And who is there so perfect as not sometimes to need it to be extended toward himself?" (pg. 49-50)

In harboring my sin, I've been so very blind. Thank you, Lord, for giving me sight & melting this cold heart of stone. Grow my roots deep, so that I can suffer long in love, deny myself, & weather the storms of life. Amen.

Flip-Flops, Mud, & Tornados - A Bad Combination

This has been one heck of a week, thanks to my new need for crutches & what I call my "space boot". It's actually a funny story, if "funny" means "filled with pain, crying meltdowns, & frustrating dependence". Oh, yeah, & "family making fun of you hobbling along in your space boot". You may have heard about the storms that swept through our area last Saturday. We got lots of rain here, but the tornado warnings just danced around us without ever really twirling too close. Until late that evening. Michael had been at work for a couple of hours at this point, & according to the local stations, we were pretty much in the clear. Even so, I kept our weather radio next to me & the radar pulled up on the computer, just in case. Then, it happened. The radio blared that scary "emergency broadcasting system" noise that has never failed to unnerve me & started talking about a tornado warning for our area. I pulled up the radar &, sure enough, there it was - the first red block heading right for us. Heading right for us & supposed to be here in 15-20 minutes. Now, at this point, you wouldn't think that a girl who was raised in Tornado Alley would freak. But you'd be wrong. I freaked. I have yet to see a tornado, & I do not have any intention of disturbing this happy pattern. So, I ran around the house - frantically, I might add - gathering my things & ushering the dogs outside so I could stuff them in the car. 'Cause I ain't leavin' my babies. I would have taken the cat, too, but she had stubbornly hidden herself under the bed, & I didn't have time for a 20-minute furniture moving party. So, the dogs are waiting on the back patio, Ginger almost overcome with excitement because she somehow instinctively knows that she's about to go for a car-ride, one of her all-time favorite pastimes. Jake's not so sure about this whole thing, because he's the opposite of his sister. He's the only dog I've ever met who actually gets carsick. Literally. But we have to go. Michael & I have an agreement that I go to the hospital parking deck to wait out tornado warnings because he feels like concrete & steel are safer in that situation than wood on a crawlspace. Crazy man. Okay, so my sweeties are waiting on the patio while I run out to open the car doors so I can drag them over (I also couldn't find their leashes in my panic to flee from the wrath of the approaching tornado). Remember, it's been raining. Rain means mud. Mud that creeps over the edges of the carport & makes concrete slippery. Especially for flip-flops. Perfectly suited for those times when you're in panic rush-mode. The mud & my flip-flops became fast - though fleeting - friends. My left leg flew out to the side, & my right leg collapsed underneath me, sending me crashing to the slippery concrete, banging my knee really hard & twisting my ankle with a fabulous "pop" in the process. I'll spare you any further details about hobbling each of my darlings out to the car & driving to the hospital's deck while sobbing & shaking from the pain. I won't bore you with reminisces of my attempts to walk around my house later - attempts which ended with my collapse on the bed in complete emotional meltdowns because of the pain. Oh, & the tornado from which I so frantically fled? Yeah, it fizzled out before it ever reached us, before I even left the parking deck to drive home.

All sarcasm aside, as I was indulging myself in a moment of self-pity, I began to think of all the things I had to be thankful for in this situation. I'm a pretty optimistic person, & I do believe that there is always something good that comes from even the worst situations, always some lesson to learn. So that I wouldn't forget, I wrote them down & would like to share them with you. I want to give glory to God here for blessing me, even in this situation - which pales in comparison with those who were hit by tornados that night.

I'm thankful to God for:

-rain to water the grass & plants
-His protection from tornados
-a home that protects us from the weather
-radars & warning systems to alert us of bad weather
-Michael being able to sleep for work (due to lack of seriously severe weather)
-a safe place to go to during bad weather
-protection against possible danger in a public place
-the loving care of my husband
-medicine & bandages to kill & protect from germs & infection
-ice packs & Ace bandages
-a momentary reprieve from pain when I cried out to Him for help
-pillows to prop my foot up on
-my dogs' concern when I have a meltdown
-talking with a godly friend (right after one of my meltdowns) who shows sincere concern & points me to God
-Advil
-God's Word
-prayer
-sleep

I wrote all of these that night. Since then, I've found even more things to be thankful to God for:

-cooler weather that followed the storms
-thorough, caring doctors
-the continued loving care & help from my sweet husband
-crutches
-the workout my arms & back have gotten from the crutches
-a sprained, instead of broken, ankle
-my "space boot", which takes the pressure off so I can (oh so slowly) walk
-Advil (yes, I know I've already mentioned it. I'm very thankful for it!)
-take-out food (it's impossible to cook when you can't put weight on your foot)
-my foot is healing fairly quickly
-the care & concern of family & friends who have called to check up on me

*My most gracious heavenly Father, thank You for all of these things & so much more. Most of all, thank You for being my God & Savior. I love You. In Christ's holy name I pray, Amen.