Rethinking Homosexuality

An old youth group friend of Michael’s recently announced that he’s homosexual. This friend still claims to be a Christian, but is embracing rather than fighting his sin. To be honest, the writing has been on the wall in big, bold, uppercase letters for quite some time, so we’re not surprised. But we are sad. Sad because he’s given up the fight & accepted the culture’s lie that his sin isn’t sin, that it’s just “who he is”, & that he should celebrate it. Sadder still is that he does so in God’s name. Meaning that he is reveling in that which is reviling to God while simultaneously worshiping “God”. I say it like that because, unfortunately, the “God” he’s worshiping is one of his own making & in no way resembles the God of the Bible. And even sadder still, he’s going to take others with him.

Look, I get it. I really do. Although I've never struggled with homosexuality, I have my own struggles with sin. Because of some of the things I was exposed to as a child, I've had to fight against sexual images that have been indelibly burned into my mind's eye. And it's been a war at times! There's a reason that sexual sin is the only sin that Scripture tells us to flee rather than fight. It's incredibly alluring, deceptive, & strong. Which makes it deadly. It's not a foe that we can subdue on our own. And that can be so very wearying. We can get so tired of fighting against it - & often failing - that we just give up & give in. Sometimes we may think we'll give in just this once, just a little. Maybe that little acquiescence will satisfy the urge & it will stop hounding us. But it doesn't. It's got a foothold now, & soon it will take over completely, clutching us in a death-grip. So, we have to keep fighting it. We can't just give up simply because we've been at war with little or no relief for so long. We also can't give in because we've prayed for God to take it away to no avail. After all, are we better than Paul? God told him that "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness" (2 Cor. 12:9). We should find comfort & strength here in our fight against sin! We should echo Paul with renewed vigor, "Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me"!

I know how hard it is to have something be a part of you that others find unacceptable. Honestly, everyone does. Homosexuals do not have a corner on this market. We are all born with a sin nature, every single one of us. And not a single one of those sins is tolerated in society - well, outside of the entertainment industry for some insane reason. But you take any sin - lying, stealing, adultery, anger, murder - none of these are tolerated in everyday life. They're all frowned upon & judged. It may not be comfortable, but it's right. I mean, do we really want to live in a society that encourages our most debased inclinations? I've heard homosexuals give the argument that their sin must be okay because they've "felt this way/had these desires" for as long as they can remember. So have all of us, it's just that our desires are for lying or stealing or venting anger. Go to any preschool & tell me I'm wrong. These innate desires aren't tolerated in toddlers because they're sin. They're wrong. The children have to be taught not only that they should change their behaviors, but how to do so. Homosexuality is no different. Those desires being present your whole life does not mean that it's not sin any more than my temper being with me my whole life means my anger isn't sin. And if you're a Christian, you are commanded - not encouraged or urged - commanded to "put to death the deeds of the body by the Spirit" (Romans 8:13, yes, I know I mixed up the order, but the meaning is the same). We're promised, if we do this, that we will live (as in, with Christ in heaven). But we're also promised in the very same verse that if we "live according to the flesh, [we] will die" (as in, go to hell to endure God's wrath). Living a life reveling in our sin, celebrating our sin, & branding our sin "normal"/"okay"/"not sin" is living in the flesh. Whether that sin is anger, lying, or one of the sexual sins, & even if society is suddenly applauding it. And we absolutely, positively cannot live in the flesh and be true Christians. They are mutually exclusive.

Another argument by homosexuals is that "we can't help who we love". But homosexuality is not about love, it's about self-gratification. I know this because God invented love, which means He gets to define it, & He says in 1 Corinthians 13 that

"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." (emphasis mine)

God has told us repeatedly throughout His Word that homosexuality is wrong, & God always speaks the truth. Since love "does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with truth", then the person who pursues homosexuality is not pursuing love. Instead they are "insisting on their own way", a way that is in direct opposition to God. This is not love. It's not love toward God. It's not love toward yourself. It's not love toward your "partner". True love means holding fast to the truths & promises found in God's Word. It means that when God says, "This is good", we pursue it & encourage others to do the same. It also means that when God says, "This is evil", we fight it, we flee from it, & we encourage others to do the same. No matter how much we protest, true love will never, ever be found in any relationship where sin is being celebrated. We may not like that, but our feelings are not the final arbiter of truth.

Now, do I believe homosexuals can be saved from their sin? Absolutely! The Bible says so! There is no sin that can't be repented of & taken up by Jesus. There is no sin that He will not forgive & give His righteousness in return. I know there are people out there struggling against their homosexual desires, praying fervently that God will enable them to continue to "fight the good fight" (2 Tim. 4:7). And every day, sometimes every hour, God is giving them the strength to stand firm against their sin. To those men & women who have chosen to believe God's Word rather than man's, I urge you to continue your fight, knowing that you don't battle alone! I know that it is incredibly difficult to ignore the siren's song - especially when society is her backup choir - but God has promised that He has made you a "new creation" (2 Cor. 5:17). Your old self with your fleshly desires has already been defeated by Christ! I love what He says in 1 Cor. 6:9-11, especially the last half:

"Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality . . . will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God." (emphasis mine)

And then again in Phil. 1:6, Paul gives us the sweet assurance "that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ."

You don't have to give in to your sin! God will continue to sanctify you, & one glorious day when you are ushered into His presence, that sin will be completely removed, & you will have to fight it no more! (Which is a good word no matter what sins we may be struggling against!)

Finally, a word to the church. We have failed our brothers & sisters who struggle against homosexuality. We have elevated this particular sin above all others without biblical warrant. We have thumped our Bibles in fury at homosexuality while neglecting to enact church discipline on the adulterers & fornicators sitting next to us in the pew. We have told our brothers & sisters who are struggling against homosexuality that they are going to hell while turning a blind eye to the young woman conceiving a child out of wedlock or the worship leader "having an affair" with the church secretary. All sexual sin is sin, & all of it should be confronted. The cheating spouse, the pornography connoisseur, & the co-habitating college kids shouldn't get a pass just because their sin is heterosexual. All sin is deviant, all sin dishonors God, & all Christians should be confronted in their sin. Lovingly, yes, but confronted just the same.

Then, there are those in the church who have lied to our brothers & sisters struggling with their sin, telling them that it’s not sin & that living a homosexual lifestyle is perfectly fine with God, when Scripture very clearly says otherwise. I know that in doing this you think you’re being loving & supportive, but what you’re actually doing is hastening their destruction. They are speeding toward a cliff, & instead of pulling the emergency break, you’re stepping on the gas! The loving thing to do is help them fight their sin. The whole point of the Gospel is that God loved us when we were yet sinners, & sent His Son to live a perfect life & die an atoning death in our stead so that we would be saved from His wrath & from our sin! Claiming God’s love while living in sin – any sin! – is delusional & damning. If you love someone who is struggling with homosexual desires, then do the truly loving thing & help them in their fight against their sin.

For Christians struggling with homosexual desires, find someone you can trust who will help you fight your sin & who you can also help fight their sin of anger, impatience, worry, etc. Remember to "place hedges" around yourself (to use a Nancy Leigh DeMoss term) to protect you from being tempted in your interactions - such as always meeting in public. And check out these resources from Desiring God & Grace To You. You're not alone, & there is help.

The Gift of Suffering

"For it has been granted to you that for the sake of Christ you should not only believe in Him but also suffer for His sake . . ." ~ Phil. 1:29

I just read this, & felt that stirring in my spirit that always indicates the Holy Spirit's nudging. "Pay attention to this", He seemed to whisper. What caught my attention was the word "granted", which has the connotation of a gift. That means that, according to this verse, not only is our belief in Christ a gift from God, but so is suffering for Him! We could lump in our everyday trials, & in a sense that's certainly true. But the wording, "for His sake" leads me to think of suffering through persecution. That would mean that when our society persecutes bakers or photographers for refusing to serve in a homosexual union ceremony - to use two recent examples - that persecution is a gift from God. And when, like Paul did when he was persecuted for Christ's sake, believers stand firm in their convictions while responding with grace, He is glorified. Just like with Paul, the Gospel will be preached & sinners will repent & believe. What a glorious thought! When viewed through this lens - that our persecution leads to others' salvation - we can see the gift so clearly, & we can rejoice in our suffering, knowing that God is using us to fulfill His purposes! How truly amazing is our God!

The Sanctification of Parenthood

And so begins the sanctification of parenthood. Not that it hasn't already been happening, but now it begins in earnest! See, our little angel is a little sinner. A little sinner who has inherited her Mama's temper. Up until now, when something hasn't gone her way, little Miss Emma has simply cried. Like a couple of mornings ago when I was attempting to load the dishwasher while she was doing her darnedest to unload it. "No", says Mama, with resulting sobs from the baby girl. She obeyed, which I think is why she cried, because she flat didn't want to. Only a couple of days later, & she's added in a slap & emphatic "Unh!" when she doesn't get her way. She's sitting in the way of the door she's trying to open . . . slap, "Unh!" to the mean, uncooperative door. Josie comes up to me while Emma's in my lap . . . slap, "Unh!" to the attention-hogging dog. Mama tells her to be gentle & "we don't hit" . . . slap, "Unh!" to the controlling Mama who dares correct her (which makes the correction have to take place again). This is a mirror to me because I often have outbursts of anger. If there's any sin I struggle with, it's anger. When I hit my head on the washer, or when the limp shower head sitting in the tub suddenly springs to life & sprays hot water in my face, or when I have no counter space in the kitchen because I haven't had time to clean it, or when it's taking 2 years to get her down at night because of all the little "going-to-bed" tasks that have to be completed, I respond with anger . . . all true stories. Poor Emma's got her own sin nature, she doesn't need me displaying my own for her to copy! She needs me to learn to control my anger so I can teach her how to control hers. A task which requires my reliance on God. I am convinced that the more I'm reading & meditating on His Word, the more I'm in communion with Him, the more His Word & His Spirit will dwell in me & change my behavior. Which, of course, demonstrates to Emma how to rely on God to help her overcome her own sin. And then, when I fail & allow my sin nature to control me, I need to model repentance for her. She needs to see me admit my sin to God, her Daddy, & her & ask for forgiveness. She needs to see me trust God's promise that I am forgiven in Christ. And she needs to see that I believe His promise to continue to perfect & sustain me. My hope is that one day, when I look into the mirror that is my child, I'll see Christ's reflection gazing back at me. 

Adventures in Cloth Diapering

When I was researching cloth diapers just before Emma was born, the following questions almost made my head explode!

Which kind of diaper? (There are dozens!) How many?  Which cover & how many? How many wetbags? How often should I change her? When should I use liners/doublers? Should I use a spatula or sprayer? How often should I launder them? How do I launder them?

We planned on using cloth from the beginning, but life with a newborn was more overwhelming than I had anticipated. Everything was new, & the idea of adding the tasks involved with cloth diapering was daunting. It seemed so much easier to wrap it up & throw it away. So, we started out in disposables, intending to make the switch once Emma was out of the newborn size. But, we found it easier to just continue as we were, so here we are using cloth diapers for the first time on our 14-month-old daughter. Needing to save money, we decided to finally take the plunge, & I am so glad we did because - strange as it may sound - I love it! I love knowing that there are no more chemicals & dyes next to Emma's skin. I love knowing that, in the long run, I am saving money for my family. And I love pulling freshly laundered diapers out of the dryer, clean & ready to be used on my precious girl's hiney. I know from personal experience that making the change can be overwhelming, so I would like to share what I've learned so far as a complete novice, in hopes that I can help other newbies in a very small way.

Okay, so from one greenhorn to another, if you need advice in choosing a cloth diaper, I highly recommend you running over to Kitchen Stewardship for some incredibly in-depth reviews, including videos. She solved all of my exploding-head issues! Which is definitely a good thing! As for our own experiences, because of the reviews on KS, I knew that 2-pieces were a good fit for us. ;-)  I liked the idea of just folding up the prefolds & using the cover to hold them in place. I further decided on the Econobum covers because they adjust as Emma grows, plus they're a good quality at a lower price. I was excited when my box of goodies came in, & I have to say that my enthusiasm hasn't abated!

Alright, so I've just given my choices to answer my "which kind of diaper & cover" questions, so let me tell you what I've discovered so far about the others. Upon advisement, I forget from where, I ordered 2 dozen red-edged & 1 dozen brown-edged prefolds. That has been good advice! With the ones always packed in the diaper bag, plus those waiting to be used or laundered, it's been the perfect amount. Emma wears the red-edged, with the brown being the next size up, & I've only had to use them a couple of times while the others were washing. As for how many covers, I initially ordered 7, but very quickly sent for 3 more because I almost ran out on laundry day. 10 seems to be the perfect number for now. Finally, I have found that 2 small & 2 large wetbags work well for us. I keep one large as a trash can liner (not closed, which encourages fruit flies), & dump this into the wash with the diapers. I replace it with the other large bag, because she's going to have wet or dirty diapers while the laundry is going, & I need somewhere other than the bookcase to put them. I chose 2 small ones so that if one was in the wash, I'd still have the other available if we go somewhere or to hold soiled covers. 

Now, how often should I change her? I had some trouble with this initially. It was an adjustment, because disposables don't have to be changed as often. Also, it's been harder for me to tell that she needed a change. Apparently, the cotton holds in odors better! A plus, but definitely an adjustment. And, unfortunately one that made our little ladybug's hiney break out in the worst diaper rash. She was red, raw, & obviously in pain, & I was very upset with myself. So, I grabbed my kitchen timer & set it next to her changing table. Every time I finished changing her diaper, I set the timer for an hour. When it went off, Emma got her diaper changed (only once has it been unnecessary). It only took one day using the timer to figure out how often I needed to change her. Normally, it works like this: she gets 3 diaper changes in the morning - 1 when we first wake up, 1 right before sitting down to breakfast, & 1 just before her morning nap. We follow the same pattern between her morning & afternoon naps, & again between her afternoon nap & bedtime. All told, she gets between 9 & 10 changes a day. And, it should be no surprise, no more diaper rash! Some will say you don't have to use any sort of diaper rash cream with cloth diapers, but I always slather coconut oil on her, & it works perfectly! We also keep Earth Mama Angel Baby Bottom Balm on hand, as it works well, too - & not just on diaper rashes. Both are safe on cloth diapers. When Emma has a wet diaper, I toss the diaper in the pail & hang the cover wrong-side-out over her bed railing. I keep 2 covers in rotation, so I simply grab the other one off the railing to use. If her cover is soiled, I simply put it off to the side until I can clean it (more on that later). While I'm on the subject of changing her diapers, let me address liners/doublers. My sister by marriage gave us a lot of their cloth diaper collection, so I already have these, & I use them 3 times a day - before each nap & before bedtime - to pad her diapers & give extra absorbency. As for storing all of these goodies, I have one basket to hold my diapers & another for the covers & liners.

Spatula or sprayer? I started out using a spatula, but have happily moved on to a sprayer, albeit an unconventional one. You've got some choices here to make, & it may depend on the configuration of your bathroom. Some people make their own sprayers or purchase them. I honestly had one picked out, but we're trying to save money, so I grabbed an empty cat litter bucket, & I use my detachable shower head on the massage setting. I set the bucket in the tub, hold the diaper over it, & spray it with hot water. All of the contents go into the bucket, which then gets poured into the toilet. Thanks to a tiny bathroom & a long shower head cord, I'm then able to hold the bucket over the toilet while I spray out anything that got left behind. Then the diapers go into the wetbag to await laundry day. 

Which brings me to the last questions. As for how to launder them, I will refer you to Green Mountain Diapers, who will send you a comprehensive guide with your order. I highly recommend it! In our own home, I wash the diapers every Monday, Wednesday, & Saturday, with diaper covers being washed the evening before & laid out to dry overnight. The covers are washed once on warm for the long cycle. Because of my washer's settings, the diapers are essentially washed twice, always with detergent. The first go-round they receive a short warm wash, & the second time I set it for the long hot wash*. I've only bleached targeted areas** once & rewashed those diapers separately. I've also used 1/4 cup vinegar in the final rinse once to make sure all of the soap was removed. Once they are done washing, I put them in the dryer on normal heat*** (due to the wetbags). Then I fold them in half & store them in their basket. That's it!

If you're new to cloth diapering like I am, or are considering it but find it daunting, I hope this has been helpful & encouraging. I am the sort who gets overwhelmed by new things, & I can let that hold me back. But I can say with confidence that cloth diapering is just as easy as using disposables once you have a system that works for you. And you'll save money & feel good about the fact that cotton is next to your baby's bum instead of chemicals. Happy diapering!

UPDATE (April 2015):  I highly recommend that you do NOT use the settings I did as a newbie (see * above)!  It took a little while, but my red-edged diapers began to fray & come apart, & I am 100% certain this was due to my "targeted bleaching", "hot wash", & "normal [drying] heat".  The lining on my wetbags all came off, not a one of my red-edged diapers can be used with our next baby, & my diaper covers are now pretty much useless as far as holding in wetness.  So!  Now, there is no targeted bleaching whatsoever; if there are persistent stains, I put a little bleach in the whole wash, but this is extremely rare.  I wash on a WARM setting, not hot.  Drying happens on a low setting &, of course, never includes the diaper covers.

My God Will Supply Every Need

Dear Anonymous,

I can't begin to thank you for blessing us so profoundly! I don't know who you are, but God does, & I know that your sacrifice brought Him glory, honor, & pleasure. When Michael opened up the card simply signed "Phil. 4:19, Love y'all" & then pulled out $200, he was moved to tears. It can be easy sometimes, because of our wayward hearts, to forget that God is with us in a trial. It's easy sometimes to lose faith. I know that God moved you to send us this encouraging card & money, & I thank you for responding to His leading. Your sacrifice was just like God wrapping a comforting arm around us & whispering lovingly in our ears, "I'm right here. I know your struggle. Trust Me to take care of you." The money is helpful, yes, but in giving it, you gave an even greater blessing in this reminder. Oh, the strengthening of our faith that occurred in that moment! For this & for helping to provide for our needs in this challenging time, you have our everlasting gratitude! From the bottom of our hearts, we thank you, & we pray fervently that God will bless you as you have blessed us. 

Love,

The Boyds

Our Appointment with the Neurosurgeon

Today was Michael's appointment with the UAB neurosurgeon, & all things considered, it was a good experience. For starters, the doctor was fabulous! He spent a very unhurried half hour - at least - with us, & gave us very detailed information about Michael's condition & the surgery we could be facing, including the risks & healing times. My expectation was that he would push for the surgery - after all, that's where they make their money - but that's not what he did at all. He laid out our options with absolutely no pressure, even saying that he didn't feel strongly about either course, & encouraged us to take some time to think it over before coming to a decision. He even gave us direct numbers so we would have no trouble getting in touch with him. Needless to say, we were quite impressed with him!

Okay, so here's the situation. We have two options: a spinal steroid injection (that the local neurosurgeon said he couldn't have) & surgery. There are a lot of factors for us to consider here - the amount of time Michael's already been out of work (6 weeks), how much medical leave he has left (6 weeks), the risks of the surgery, our finances, the likelihood of the effectiveness of the shot, his job security, etc. We basically made the decision according to the calendar. If we choose the surgery, Michael would be out of work around 10 more weeks. While long-term disability will have kicked in by then, his job would be gone, because they only hold his position for 12 weeks total. We have 6 left. If we choose the injection & it works, he could be back to work in a couple of weeks. No need for the long-term disability, & his job is secure. The worst possibility is if the shot doesn't work, at which point we'll have to go forward with the surgery, but with a further delay. Then we're looking at him being out of work for another 12 weeks, with no job to go back to once he's cleared. We're trying not to let our minds go there, though. So, we are going with the injection, praying that it does work. My understanding is that he will eventually have to have the surgery; the injection is a band-aid, & doesn't fix the problem long-term. But perhaps we can get ourselves into a better situation in the meantime.

A thousand thanks to all of you who are praying for us & who have checked up on us. Your lovingkindness means more than we can put into words. Please continue to pray that we would rest in God's sovereignty & love, that our faith in Him would be strengthened, that the shot will be effective quickly, & that God would open up avenues of income so we can pay our bills. Thank you, & may God bless you all. 

A Well-Intentioned Lie

I saw a purportedly true story today about a teacher encouraging her students to make the most of their education because soldiers fought for them to have that freedom, that right. Sounds like a wonderful story, but to be perfectly honest, it irritated the snot out of me. Why? Because this teacher wanted to instill patriotism, determination, & a love for learning, but it was built on a lie. Let me break this down:

1.) No American soldier has ever fought a war or battle of any sort to defend our "right" to an education. Once upon a time, citizens had to fight to receive an education, but those battles took place in the legal system. They were never fought by our soldiers. 

2.) Education is not a "right" that we have to defend or protect; it's forced on us by our government. Don't believe me? Keep your children out of school & see how long it takes before a truancy officer visits your home. Does such a thing happen if we choose not to exercise our right to speak or carry guns? Those are rights, education is compulsory.

3.) We have a false patriotism in this country that is sickening. We pull out our flags on the 4th & our "support the troops" mantra when it suits, but we spit on the freedoms our soldiers & Founding Fathers DID fight for every time we vote in another big-government, power-hungry politician who is devoted to taking away those freedoms. We champion them in sentiment while spitting on them in practice. It's disgusting.

Do I sound angry? Well, I am. I'm angry with my fellow Americans who mistake loyalty to America with loyalty to our government. I'm angry with my fellow Americans who would rather let the media tell them what to think than to educate themselves. I'm angry with my fellow Americans who think that they have the right to take away my rights simply because they don't want them for themselves. I'm angry with my fellow Americans who vote selfishly & with others who are apathetic, because they're saddling my children & grandchildren - as well as their own - with the consequences just like previous generations did to us. Finally, I'm just flat fed up with my fellow Americans who play at patriotism while desecrating the values & principles that this country was founded upon. 

True patriotism is found in those who fight for the truth at great personal cost. It's found in those who fight to safeguard the freedoms & rights of others that they may not agree with. It's found in those who know that in a truly free society, the freedoms of others may mean that they are sometimes offended or that someone will choose something different from them . . . & they fight for the preservation of those freedoms just the same. True patriotism is costly, it's hard, it often means being ridiculed or maligned, & it should never be confused with loyalty to a government. Nor should it be a punch line built on a lie to make a point, however well-intentioned. 

The Church is not a Building

We are fortunate indeed. We belong to a church whose members have rallied around us during this difficult time in our lives. They are praying for us, they call to check on us, our associate pastor came to visit us, & we've even gotten multiple offers for them to mow our lawn! And, I've already mentioned how instrumental one of our dear church friends was in navigating paperwork for Michael's medical leave. We are so thankful for their love & support. 

Incredibly, our blessings don't stop there. A little more than six years ago, we became members of a local church. I've told you about them before, along with our continued regret over trading their fellowship for what we thought at the time were greener pastures (to put it in very simplified terms). What continues to astonish me - & warm my heart down to my toes - is how they immediately surround us any time we have a crisis. When I went into the hospital with preeclampsia a month before Emma was born, several people came to visit (one in particular, darling Abby, multiple times). They called, they brought us meals, they sat & talked with me when Michael was at work. In short, they blessed us in a major way! Now that we're dealing with this new challenge, there they are again, sending text messages, calling to give encouragement, even doing what they can to help us generate an income while Michael's out of work! I can't even begin to express what it means to me to have them love us like this. And I know that their actions are bringing glory to Christ as they show the world that His body is not strictly contained between the four walls of a building.

Submission Is Downright Hard

I know what the Bible says about submission. I've read it myself & I've read books studying it. 

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. ~Eph. 5:22-24

Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. ~Col. 3:18

Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. ~Titus 2:3-5

I believe these words are true, authoritative, & are for my good. Even so, I struggle. I struggle because submission is all about acquiescing to something you don't agree with; otherwise, it's not submission.

For instance, I know that Michael doesn't want me to watch a particular TV show on Netflix because he's unsure of the content. He's a gracious husband, so he doesn't demand that I not watch it, he even tells me that I can. And, honestly, I really want to, especially because I don't agree with his assessment of it. But I know he'd rather I not, & that means I really shouldn't. Even so, sometimes the thought crosses my mind that "he's napping & will never know". After all, I wouldn't be watching it in his presence. True, but that's not really the spirit of submission. Thankfully, God grants me the strength to overcome my desire, & I abstain from watching the program. 

Michael feels that a certain decision is right for our family. I really do not agree. I don't think it's necessary, & I really don't want to do it. Not now, anyways. Or maybe I even think his decision could put us in a tough spot.  I know that as the head of our family I should leave it up to him, & follow where he leads. But I don't. Instead, I keep presenting my case, forcing him into the position of convincing me that he's right. Or just giving in to the path I think we should take. Which means that, ultimately, I'm putting myself forth as the head of our family, & this is contrary to God's design. Eventually, I do realize this & hand control back to Michael. 

I could probably give you dozens more examples of how I fail at submission. Even when I do submit, I often really dislike it. Blame my sin nature, blame the Fall, blame the feministic culture - no matter what the reason, submission is just downright hard. And maybe it's supposed to be - at least post-Fall - because in the end I am brought face-to-face with my inability to fulfill God's command. I'm forced to acknowledge that I need His help to be submissive to my husband. And I don't just need it once, I need it every single day. Which means that I have to keep striving every day, trusting Him to supply the strength & will to fulfill His commands. I hope one day I'll be able to call myself a submissive wife, a wife who is submissive more times than not. But I also hope that I will always remember that it's only by the grace of God that I can be that woman . . . & find forgiveness when I fail.

All About Emma

Our darling girl is just about halfway between 13 & 14 months. That seems impossible! She's positively adorable, an absolute delight. She has the sweetest smile that turns into the cutest smile - her "Munchkin Grin" - when she's really happy or excited. Sometimes she shows me her "Munchkin Grin" & soundlessly snorts, leading the two of us into a snorting competition. She loves to be spun around, either securely in my arms or out away from my body like the swings at the fair. When I swing her out, she kicks her legs & giggles gleefully. Which, of course, makes me laugh, too. She loves to read sitting in my lap, & even handed me a book to read to her the other day. I thought that was impressive! She's always on the go, either crawling, cruising, or in her Joovy. And, boy, is she fast! We expect she'll be walking soon. She loves to play with her toys, but she also is amused by anything ordinary:  sunglasses, ponytail holders, measuring spoons, the contents of the refrigerator, her Daddy's socks . . . you name it, she wants to play with it. She's in love with "Baby Einstein", & that's sometimes the only way I can keep our sleepy girl content while I get ready for bed. She's very talkative, & can say "Mama", "Daddy", "Emma", & "up"; she also said "bye-bye" a few times, but never since. She's learned to wave bye-bye, but she thinks it's always followed by clapping because I always say, "YEA!" & clap when she does it. (So cute!) She hates for us to go in the bathroom & shut the door, so I sometimes do this when I want her to come to me. Sure enough, as soon I close that door, I hear her whining & the slapping of her palms on the floor. (As you can probably tell, she keeps us laughing!) She likes bath time, & her squirting otter is her favorite toy. It doesn't take much to correct her; a point of the finger & a firm "no" will make her cry from hurt feelings. At which point we comfort her. She loves music, & always dances to it, which is so precious when she's crawling because she shakes her hiney! (Yep, another laughter-inducing event.) She loves animals & gets very upset with Callie not letting her pet her. She wakes up happy & vocal. She loves to play "Where's Emma/Mama/Daddy?", especially when we hide behind blankets. She's a really good eater & is doing great learning to drink from a cup. She's opening up better around strangers & family in familiar environments. She's incredibly observant. She doesn't really smile at strangers in public, which has caused some people to erroneously say she's not happy, when she's just watching & evaluating. She likes other children, but I do think she prefers them to be a bit older than she. She loves kisses, cuddles, being sung to,  & being tickled. Her favorite song is "The Itsy Bitsy Spider", & she fusses every time I finish singing it; strangely, she never has that reaction when she hears it anywhere else. She adores her Daddy & loves to play with him. She's still very attached to me, & even sleeps in my arms (which is when I write these posts). We are so in love with her! She is the light of our life, our joy, our angel, & we are so incredibly blessed - rich beyond measure - to be her Mama & Daddy. 

Some Days Are So Hard - Like Today

I am exhausted. Completely emotionally drained. This was a very bad morning. A bad morning that began last evening when Michael received a phone call from our primary care physician saying that they were fixing to fax paperwork to Michael's work clearing him for duty. Now, just to give you an idea of how absurdly shocking this is, let me walk you through a typical day here:

-Morning: Michael takes Tylox, Neurontin, Flexeril, & sometimes Advil to get out of bed then grabs his crutches to walk to the dining table for breakfast. He has to sit in an ultra padded office chair that allows him to slightly recline. After breakfast, he uses this chair to roll himself over to the computer (or anywhere around the house). Sometimes he sits in the recliner for a bit.

-Afternoon:  His pain is worsening a bit (uh huh, you read that right, he's even worse now), so that the crutches & chair that were helpful earlier are now needed for movement. He eats lunch with us, takes more meds, & lays down. This is at my insistence, because I've seen how staying up & trying to help me (again, from his chair) are making his pain worse. 

-Evening:  Michael is up spending time with us (I also take Emma into our room sometimes so we're all together; she & I play & he can join in some from a laying position). We eat supper, & he relaxes in the living room until it's time for bed. Once it's time for bed, he can barely move from the pain because the meds aren't working as well now. Now, this is if he hasn't been trying to help out around the house off & on. If he has, then I have to help him get in bed by lifting one leg, letting him slowly lower himself, then lifting the other & helping him get centered.

What do I mean by "pain"? Shooting, searing, cry-out-loud pain that radiates down his back & into his buttocks, pelvis, thighs, & calves. This is accompanied by cramping pains in his legs, as well as weakness & numbness. Some of these are even happening at rest now. Sometimes he feels like he's going to fall over. And sometimes, the pain is so severe mid-move (sitting, standing, walking) that he simply cannot complete it.  

So tell me, does this sound to any sane person like someone who needs to be running around taking care of critically ill patients? No? Not to you either? So, that must mean that the "specialist" who saw him once, did not re-evaluate him, & yet flippantly declared him fit for work needs a mental health evaluation. That's my conclusion, anyways. 

So, that brings us to this morning. Knowing that Michael is being told he has to go back to work tomorrow . . . & knowing that he physically can't . . . & further knowing that if he doesn't he will lose his job, I start my day calling our PCP trying to get an appointment. My thought here is that we need to document his condition & that he truly isn't fit for work. My relief was profound when the scheduler worked us in for 9:30. Until she called back less than 5 minutes later telling us that there was nothing our doctor could do for us, so we needed to go to the ER. Now, I know you can't sit here all night reading this post, so I won't get into the finer points of the tussle that ensued. Suffice it to say that I made them aware of the gravity of the situation, including the consequences they would be facing if they forced him to go back to work & caused him permanent damage. It wasn't long before I got the good doctor himself on the phone. We, too, tussled - which is so very contrary to our normal interactions - until I finally broke down in tears, & told him I wasn't trying to be adversarial; I was just trying to care of my husband. I reminded him that he knows how much we trust & love him (we really do), & we just needed an advocate. All of this was through tears. He softened, called the specialist donkey (3 guesses which word I want to use), & agreed to resubmit the paperwork with an amendment saying that he - in fact - is not fit for work until released by the neurosurgeon. I hung up & sobbed, the sheer weight of all of these pressures finally breaking me.

This has been so hard. Two things that I am so thankful for today are 1) God softening our doctor's heart to be our advocate, & 2) the invaluable help of a church friend who works in Employee Health (& let me sob all over her when I called asking for more paperwork). We are definitely in the Refiner's fire right now, & it's very uncomfortable. I'm so thankful for Him showing us in big & little ways that He's right here with us, carrying us through the fire that He's ordained for our good. Please, Lord, don't let me lose sight of this. For Your glory, for our good. Soli Deo Gloria

From a Novice

I just read a blog post that gives some very good advice to "experienced moms". (Seriously, stop right here, click on "blog post", & go read it.) Here's one part that really resonated with me:  "The next time you're tempted to write off a friend's parenting stage or struggle, listen empathetically without relating or comparing her problems to your own."  I can tell you, from a new mother's point of view, I have found this to be needed advice. Especially the italicized portion above. And not even just when a new mom is struggling. I personally haven't received a lot of understanding or support from some of my "mom" friends since Emma came along. Because of that, here are some other tips that this new mom would like to pass along (plus it's good to have this written down to remind myself, lest I forget):

-Everyone parents differently, so please don't judge or look down on me for not doing it like you.

-Every child achieves milestones at different rates, so don't freak me out by saying (with furrowed brow & worried voice), "She hasn't done ____ yet?"  (That's one reason I loved What To Expect the First Year so much, because each chapter starts out saying this.)

-Remember, sometimes it's not what you say, but how you say it. Just with a change in your tone, the same words can either encourage or discourage me. 

-Every child has a different temperament, so don't say with certainty that she's going to do or be like this. That may have been your experience with your child, but it may not happen that way for us.

-Building on the last few points, remember that I'm not in competition with you, nor is my child in competition with yours. So there's no need to "relate or compare" your situation & children to mine.

-Every mom has a different temperament, so I may not be comfortable with the same things you are. Please don't belittle me or make me feel odd.

-Everything about motherhood is wondrous & new to me, & I'm going to want to learn a lot for myself. Sometimes I'll come to you for sage advice, but most of the time I'll want you to be my friend, not my guide.

Now, don't get me wrong, I've had many wonderful interactions with my "mom friends". We've traded "my child did this" stories & "has he done this?" or "how do you deal with this?" conversations. We've had a lot of fun & laughter. But I have also come up against a lot more judgement than I expected, & it's hurt a couple of friendships because I didn't want to walk away from yet another conversation feeling like I'm doing it all wrong, so I stopped pursuing the relationship. So, I guess that's the reason I'm writing this post, because none of us really wants it to be like that, & the good news is it doesn't have to be. 

Challenging Times - Take 2

"They say I don't have short-term disability", Michael said incredulously. I sank onto the sofa & covered my mouth with my hand as I grasped the repercussions of his statement. He hasn't been able to work the last 3 weekends because of his back issues. We knew we would have to really cut our expenses, even with short-term disability, which we expected to kick in soon. This curve ball means no money until mid-September, when long-term disability (which we were told we DO have) will kick in. That's 2 months of bills that will come due with no paycheck to cover them. Now, right here, I could have panicked. But I didn't. Instead, I felt this calmness envelope me, & I know with every fiber of my being that it was "the peace that passes understanding" (Phil. 4:7) given to me by God. "Maybe some good will come of this", said my wise husband. I know it will, because God tells us it will (Romans 8:28). I'm not anxious because God tells us that He knows our needs & loves us so much that He provides for them (Luke 12:22-32). So, already something good has come out of this, because my faith is being strengthened. I believe that we will find all sorts of good in this: a more conscious & deliberate thankfulness for what we have, more self-discipline, a crash-course in living ultra frugally, how to not cling to possessions (we'll be selling some things, so be on the look-out!), & I expect more that God will reveal in His time. Thanks for keeping us in your prayers! It means so much to know that you saints are beseeching God on our behalf. 

Babies Don't Keep

Ever since Emma was weaned a couple of weeks ago, I've had a little more time to devote to our home. Michael's been such a help this past year, taking on a lot of responsibility around the house - much more than I wanted. But, when Emma was delivered by an unexpected C-section, that meant an unforeseen period of recovery for me. Then came the round-the-clock care of our newborn angel, which didn't leave much time for cooking & cleaning. (In all honesty, it didn't leave much time for sanity because of sleep deprivation!) Then we spent a lot of time & effort establishing nursing, a process that took Emma almost a full hour 3 times a day up until a couple of weeks before she weaned (& even more than that at first!) As Emma's gotten older, I've gradually been able to add some time to my schedule to reverse the load of "home care" back to its proper balance. But I realized today that it will likely be a long time before we live in a perfectly clean house again. And that's actually just fine with me.  I have believed from the first that the little poem "Babies Don't Keep" is spot-on, so I plan to enjoy our little ladybug as much as possible. Because when I look back years from now, I won't regret that there were piles of clean clothes waiting in laundry baskets to be put away or that there were dishes in the sink waiting for an empty dishwasher. But I will regret not spending as much time as possible playing with & loving on my girl. I most definitely will teach her responsibility, discipline, & how to keep a home, but until she's ready for those lessons, 

"...The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow,

But children grow up, as I've learned to my sorrow.

So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!

I'm rocking my baby 'cause babies don't keep."

Challenging Times Ahead

Yesterday was tough. As some of you know, Michael hurt his back a few weeks ago. His pain has gotten worse & has now traveled into his legs, accompanied by tingling, numbness, & weakness. The poor fella can hardly move around the house (the office chair is coming in handy), & even has a hard time finding a comfortable position when laying or sitting. We thought we had found the answer in a spinal nerve block injection, which Michael was scheduled to receive tomorrow. Until he met with a neurosurgeon yesterday. A neurosurgeon who walked into the room with the words, "I can't help you" on his lips. Apparently, Michael doesn't just have a herniated disk. He also has congenital spinal stenosis, which in layman's terms means a narrowing of his spinal column that he was born with. The neurosurgeon said Michael has to go to Birmingham to have surgery & emphatically commanded Michael not to get the nerve block injection, saying it could make things worse. I, however, desiring a less invasive solution than surgery, held out hope that a quick call to the doctor who was supposed to give the injection would deliver a different answer. No such luck. They agreed that now that we know we're dealing with more than just a herniated disk, he should forego the shot & have the surgery. I hung up the phone & cried. This whole thing scares me. It scares me for his health, for his job, for our finances, & for what the future holds. People have asked what we need, but right now I'm still processing & couldn't tell you (though I do appreciate the query). Once I get a mental grip on this, maybe once we meet with the UAB neurosurgeon who will handle the operation, I'll be able to answer that question. For now, we covet your prayers, both for Michael's health & for the difficulties that we're facing in this situation. Thanks so much. We love you all. 

Happy Mother's Day

Now there's a phrase that can be either overwhelmingly joyous or fraught with grief.  I know, because I've experienced both.  I honestly wasn't sure I would ever know anything but sorrow on hearing those three little words.  Having endured five years struggling with infertility, I spent many a day crying & praying for the sleeping baby that I now hold in my arms.  From the moment that we found out that God was forming her in my womb, I've known joy beyond expression.  She is more amazing, incredible, & breathtaking than I could have ever imagined!  From the first time I could feel her moving inside me, to when we heard her heartbeat & saw her ultrasound picture, to the day she was born & we finally got to bring her home, to all of the moments since:  making her smile & laugh; watching her accomplish new feats like rolling over, sitting up, & crawling; watching her jump in her jumperoo while she squeals with joy; holding her while she sleeps - all this & so much more makes this Mother's Day so very special & unspeakably joyful.  You see, for me, it's more of a celebration of our Emma than of me, because she is the whole reason that I've had my first Happy Mother's Day.

Thank You, Father, from the bottom of my heart for giving Emma to us.  Along with Hannah, we affirm that "for this child I prayed, & the Lord has granted me my petition that I made to Him".  (1 Samuel 1:27)  Please help us, Lord, to raise her to know, love, & trust You.  Let her see faith, repentance, & a striving for godliness in us every day.  And please, Father, above all else, saver her from her sin.  In Christ's name I pray.  Amen.

Page CXVI Lullabies

We are LOVING this CD!  It's the perfect "dance your baby to sleep" music.  Our focus group (a.k.a. Emma) approves!  ;-)

Our Rock of Ages

I've always been a big reader, but since becoming a mama to our sweet Emma, I'm almost exclusively a bathroom reader.  That makes it kind of difficult to have any sort of a quiet time.  Until I took this book down from our shelves.

I can't tell you how wonderful it's been!  I've marked so many pages, knowing that there will come days in the future when they'll be needed again.  Today, I'd like to share one devotion with you.  It's one that was timed perfectly (of course), as I had just gone through an intense desire to turn to friends for advice.  The Holy Spirit had convicted me that all I needed was God & so helped me overcome that desire.  On the heels of that, I came to this exhortation.  May you find it as timely as I.

It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man.

- Psalm 118:8

No doubt the reader has been tempted to rely upon the things that are seen instead of resting alone upon the invisible God.  Christians often look to man for help & advice & so spoil the noble simplicity of their reliance upon God.  Does this evening's passage meet the eye of a child of God who is filled with anxiety?  Then let us reason with you.  You trust in Jesus, & only in Jesus, for your salvation; then why are you troubled?  "Because of my great care."  Is it not written, "Cast your burden upon the Lord"?  "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer & supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God."  (Phil. 4:6)  Can you trust God for your physical needs?  "Ah!  I wish I could."  If you cannot trust God with the physical, how dare you trust Him with the spiritual?  Can you trust Him for your soul's redemption, & yet not rely upon Him for a few lesser mercies?  Is God not enough for your need, or is His all-sufficiency too narrow for your wants?  Do you need another to watch for you when you have Him who sees every secret thing?  Is His heart faint?  Is His arm weary?  If so, seek another God; but if He is infinite, omnipotent, faithful, true, & all-wise, why do you run around seeking another confidence?  Why do you scour the earth to find another foundation when this is strong enough to bear all the weight that you can ever build on it?  Christian, do not mix your wine with water; do not tarnish the gold of faith with the dross of human confidence.  Wait only upon God, & let your expectation be from Him.  Do not covet Jonah's gourd but rest in Jonah's God.  Let the sandy, shaky foundations be the choice of fools; but you, like one who sees the approaching storm, build for yourself an abiding place upon the Rock of Ages.

Morning and Evening, C.H. Spurgeon, March 7 evening

God Loves Me

I've been feeling a lot lately that God couldn't possibly love me.  The words coming out of my mouth (& therefore my heart) have been awful, I've had anger in my heart (which often comes out as impatience with Michael), & my affections toward God have been cold & distant.  Nothing whatsoever to love, & plenty to hate.  It's kind of a hopeless feeling, believing that God doesn't love you.  All of a sudden, it came to me this morning that there has never been anything worth loving in me, & yet God always has & chose to save me.  Not because of who I am or what I've done, but because of who He is & what His Son has done.  I didn't do anything to earn God's love, but He freely bestowed it upon me while I was His enemy.  What makes me think that I can do anything to earn His love now that I'm His child?  Or lose it?


God shows His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.  Since, therefore, we have now been justified by His blood, much more shall we be saved by Him from the wrath of God.  For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of His Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by His life.  ~Romans 5:8-10

On Fifty Shades & Magic Mike

For days now, I have been troubled.  Michael came home one morning & asked me if I wanted to go see a movie.  There are several that I'd like to see . . . if they're still out, that is!  I've been completely taken up with Emma & haven't had much time to be on the computer, so I hardly know what's happening in the world, much less at the movies!  So, I wasn't familiar with the title of the movie he asked about, one that several women that he works with have been excitedly discussing.  "Magic Mike", he says, & I (in my ignorance) think it's a movie about magicians, perhaps along the line of "The Sorcerer's Apprentice", which I enjoyed.  (I've always been a fan of fantasy.)  In answer to my queries, he tells me that it's a movie about male strippers.  (Ummm, sorry, what?  He obviously asked if I wanted to see it in jest.)  I've now seen a few posts on Facebook regarding this movie, & I'm disturbed that women who profess the name of Christ are raving about this movie.  Just as disturbed as I have been by those Christian women who have devoured Fifty Shades of Grey.  In a word, it's unfathomable to me that we would so casually immerse ourselves in such things, sins for which Jesus - whom we profess to love & follow - bore the wrath of God & died in our place.  Unfortunately, I don't have time to lay out all of my thoughts on Christians consuming this material - Emma's sleeping between feedings, & I have precious little time before the next one.  Thankfully, this topic is now being taken head-on by others much more gifted with the pen than I, so I'll steer you in their direction.  My main request is that we, as children of Father God & co-heirs with His Son Jesus Christ, would take the time to not only read these posts but to also search His Word for direction before diving into these perversions of His good gift of sex (as experienced as an expression of love between a husband & wife, a distinction that is apparently sorely needed.)


"God has always set apart His people from the rest of the world.  You don't have to look far to see somebody doing something that demonstrates they have little regard for the Lord if not an outright hatred for Him.  And you shouldn't have to look far to see somebody doing something that demonstrates their love for Christ!  The problem I have is when those lines are blurred because people who love Christ are doing things that are no different than those who hate Him.  When people who are "born again" (which is an objective thing, not a subjective one) participate in sexual immorality, it is like telling the world, "No, Scripture isn't true.  I know it says that a child of God looks like this, but I am a child of God and I don't look like that, so Scripture must be wrong."  I'm sorry but this is a lie. God does not lie. Now please do not get me wrong.  We all sin.  There isn't one of us who is without blame.  But there is a difference between battling our flesh and participating in something willfully with so much pleasure as to rejoice and share it with others, tempting them to do the same!" ~The Believer's Rest

"Christian women need to reject both of these works, and instead, use our voices in support of what is good, right and true. It is our responsibility, as daughters of the Heavenly King, to remain set-apart from the poisons of our culture, to rebuke temptation, and to celebrate and honor righteousness." ~Melissa Jenna

For further links, see the end of the above-mentioned post.

One final word, if I may.  Please do not take my words (or those of the ladies above) as self-righteous judgment.  We all sin, & we all therefore need correction & guidance from those who love us enough to tell us the truth & point out our errors.  That is the spirit in which all of these words is meant, & I pray they are received as such.

Emma Claire's Coming Sooner!

Our little ladybug is doing so great!  Her Mama, not so much.  Michael & I came to our OB's office for our routine 2 week check-up on Tuesday, expecting a typical office visit.  That's not exactly what happened, though.  It was our first "meet the partners" visit, which began with an incredibly elevated blood pressure - as in 180 systolic!  I laid on my side in our room waiting for a new blood pressure reading, when in walked the doctor with the news that a new reading wouldn't be necessary because he suspected that I had preeclampsia & was admitting me to the hospital right then for observation.  Stunned, overwhelmed, stressed, very upset - all of these emotions were mine.  He left the room to get things ready, & I broke down.


We've had a really great pregnancy; so far everything's gone incredibly well with both Emma's & my health!  But there have been some disappointments:  discovering that I'm Rh-negative (& had to have a shot), that I have Group-B Strep (& will have to have antibiotics during labor), & now this.  By far, this is the most serious complication that we've come up against.  The plan was for me to stay until they got the results back from a 24-hour urinalysis, which I fully expected would show that I could go home the next day & have bi-weekly monitoring from our OB.  If my protein levels had been below 1,000 mg, that is what would have happened.  Are you noticing the past tense here?  That's not how things have ended up.  My levels were 2,500 mg - nowhere near the severe preeclampsia level of 7,000+ mg, but high enough for them to keep me here.  I foresaw a home-going today, being with my furry babies, & waiting out the next 2-3 (or more, if I could push it) weeks at home.  Not so.  I'm a hospital guest for the next 2 weeks until labor is induced.  That's the newest word here.  Not only am I not going home, but I'm not even going to be allowed to wait until 37 weeks like we initially thought.  Emma will be arriving at the end of this month instead of next like we expected.  So, here's our understanding of the situation at this point:


     ~As long as nothing worsens, we will be induced on May 31.
     ~However, we're in a sort of holding pattern, watching for any worsening symptoms in my blood pressure, labs, or protein, in which case we will be induced sooner, even as soon as next week.
     ~I will not be allowed to attempt a natural beginning to labor; in other words, I will be given Pitocin from the outset.
     ~My labor will be more difficult with this pharmaceutical intervention & increases the possibility of a c-section.


Needless to say, for someone who has her heart set very firmly on a natural birth, this is a hard thing to swallow.  But, I do appreciate having the opportunity to wrap my head around these new developments.  And I have been given the chance to trust what I believe - that God is sovereign, that He loves me, that He loves Emma more than I ever could, that His plans are always best, & that He works all things to the good for those who love Him.  He's blessed us with this incredible gift of our daughter when we least expected it to His glory, & He will work her coming to His glory just the same.


One big positive is that Emma is measuring 1 week & 2 days ahead of schedule & weighs 5 lbs. 15 oz.  Now, I'm not sure how accurate these measurements are, but if they're close, then I'm not as worried about how she will do being delivered early.  Another huge positive is the hospital staff & doctors that are taking care of us.  We already adore our OB, but we have been amazed at the loving care we have received from all of the nurses here as well!  Everyone has been so incredible!  And we are so appreciative.


At this point, what we need are your prayers - & we thank the plethora of people that have already been beseeching our Lord on our behalf.  Your love, prayers, & support mean the world to us!  You have been excited for us from the beginning & have carried us through on your love, prayers, & encouragement.  Words fail to express what all of you have meant to us.  Please continue to go to God for us, especially that my condition will hold steady or improve, that Emma will be allowed to grow for as long as possible before delivery, that all will go smoothly, that a c-section will not be necessary, & that both she & I will be strong & healthy.  Thank you all for being there for us.  We love you dearly.