Did You Marry the Wrong Person?

Did you marry the wrong person?  Stephen Altrogge & Tim Challies both tackle this question on their blogs.  Looking at the divorce rate, even among those who call themselves Christians, I would say this is a pretty pertinent question.  I would expect that when you boil it down, the only way one can walk away from their vows "for better or worse . . . 'til death do us part" is that they believe they have married the wrong person.  Tim's answer to this question, at first glance, was not what I expected:

"I guarantee that you have married the wrong person. We all marry the wrong person. Perhaps I should say it like this: we all marry the “wrong” person. We all marry a person who sins against us, who sometimes exasperates us by helping us worship our idols and at other times irritates us by smashing them to pieces. We all marry a person who has stinky breath and physical blemishes and bad moods. We all marry a person who is apparently incompatible with us on all kinds of levels."

Stephen's is good, too:

"The husband is neat, the wife is messy. The wife is talkative, the husband is quiet. The husband is always on time, the wife lives more in the moment. The wife is social, the husband is a homebody. These differences, which were initially just an irritant, have grown into something massive. What was once a tiny gap has become a great divide."

I can see how that can happen.  I laughed when I read the paragraph above, because the description, with a few alterations, is exactly Michael & me.  We have so many similarities, especially on the important things, but there are a lot of little differences that can drive us crazy.  I can see how if you focus on those differences, they can drive a wedge.  When we feel this happening, we need a reminder to alter our skewed view, one that I was happy to see Tim give.

"But here is what we need to see: The wrongness of our spouse is one of the great formative influences on us. The wrongness and the apparent incompatibilities are the very things God uses to mold and shape us. A few years down the road you will look back on all of that wrongness, all you declared to be wrong about your husband or wife, and find that God was not wrong at all. He knew exactly what you needed.

What I have found is that often times, when someone fears that he has married the wrong person, or when he fears that he is about to marry the wrong person, he is looking at the differences between himself and this other person and lamenting that this other person is not more like him. He may describe her personality or preferences or passions, but what he is really doing is showing that he wants this woman, this potential wife, to be more like him. If only she was…me! Too many men, too many women, truly want to marry an image of themselves. And why not? You tend to like your preferences, to like your idols, to like your likes.

But ask any married person what his life would be like if he had married someone who was just like himself and you’ll see the folly of it. Her talkativeness was just the antidote to your quiet nature, drawing you out, filling your home with godly words. Your sexual freedom was just what she needed to release her fears and teach her how to express love in a whole new way. Her constant lateness taught you to be patient and showed you that she wasn’t late because she was selfish, but because she cared, just like Jesus when he showed up “too late” to save his friend Lazarus. In all these ways and so many more, God uses incompatibilities to produce godliness. These differences are truly glorious, the means by which God helps us put our own sin to death." (emphasis mine)

I wholeheartedly concur with Tim!  It is exactly our differences that God uses to sanctify us.  I am an impatient, quick-to-anger person; Michael is the exact opposite.  If he had my temperament, this would be a very unhappy household indeed!  As it stands, his patient, forgiving personality is showing some evidence of tempering mine, & it makes for a much more peaceful marriage.  I've heard it said that marriage is God's greatest sanctifying tool, & I think that's true.  Nowhere else will you have two clashing personalities in such close communion filing away the rough edges.  And, what I have already discovered in our marriage is that as our edges are smoothed, we grow closer to each other & more like God.  Which, of course, is His perfect plan.  So, bottom line, if you fear you married the wrong person, fear no more.  God doesn't make mistakes & works all things for the good of His children.  He will certainly do so in your marriage.

Moore on Robertson

If you, like me, thought that Russell Moore's written refutation of Pat Robertson's "divorce your Alzheimer's-stricken wife" comments were incredible, hold on to your hats!  It doesn't get any better than this!

'Til Alzheimer's Do We Part?

Standing before untold numbers of people claiming to be a representative of Christ, Pat Robertson spit in the face of Scripture's teaching this week & said that a man had grounds to divorce his Alzheimer's-stricken wife in order to remarry, claiming that she's "not there" anymore.  There's so much that I could say, but I would never be able to say it as well as Russell Moore does in his confrontation of this heretic.

"Marriage, the Scripture tells us, is an icon of something deeper, more ancient, more mysterious. The marriage union is a sign, the Apostle Paul announces, of the mystery of Christ and his church (Eph. 5). The husband, then, is to love his wife “as Christ loved the church” (Eph. 5:25). This love is defined not as the hormonal surge of romance but as a self-sacrificial crucifixion of self. The husband pictures Christ when he loves his wife by giving himself up for her.

At the arrest of Christ, his Bride, the church, forgot who she was, and denied who he was. He didn’t divorce her. He didn’t leave.

The Bride of Christ fled his side, and went back to their old ways of life. When Jesus came to them after the resurrection, the church was about the very thing they were doing when Jesus found them in the first place: out on the boats with their nets. Jesus didn’t leave. He stood by his words, stood by his Bride, even to the Place of the Skull, and beyond."

Beautifully said!  Rather than giving any credence whatsoever to such a load of tosh as what Pat Robertson doled out, let's hear what a true man of God has to say.  Robert McQuilken lived out Ephesians 5:25-32 when he retired to spend his days caring for his wife of over 40 years.



It's not hard to see which view of marriage brings glory to God.  And it's definitely not Pat Robertson's!

Marriage Works!

The story of the Bible revolves around God's redemption of mankind through Christ's atonement.  From the moment of the Fall, after pronouncing curses on the serpent, Adam, & Eve respectively, God gives a life-giving promise of the coming child who will be their salvation.  As the Israelites wandered & sinned in the desert, God gave them the sacrificial system as a reminder that not only were they in bondage to sin, but that their sin deserved death.  Embedded in that system, though, there was also the repeated promise of the Lamb who would one day take away the sin of the world.  With the overshadowing of the Holy Spirit, the Son of God took on human flesh & walked the earth, healing infirmities & giving life to the lifeless.  His mission carried Him to the cross, where the innocent One bore the guilt of sinners & paid the punishment we deserve.  But the story doesn't end there, for being pleased with His sacrifice, the Father raised Jesus from the dead, securing once & for all victory over sin & death!  Upon His ascension, He left His disciples with the charge to spread His Gospel to the ends of the earth.  So, the rest of the Bible is given over to our "already/not yet" lives, the lives we live in between Christ's first & second comings.  Pick any letter in the New Testament & you will see a pattern of Gospel followed by response.  Repeatedly, we see that "because this Gospel is true, here is how we should respond".  So, any time we see a command given in Scripture, we must always, always, always view it through a Gospel lens.  To do anything else will lead us either to self-righteousness or despair.  So, with this firmly in mind, let us look at the commands in Scripture that are either specific to or can be applied to marriage.  This list is by no means exhaustive, but is a good starting place.

Pray for one another  (James 5:16)

Wives - Respect your husband  (Eph. 5:33)

Wives - Submit to your husband  (Eph. 5:22-24; Col. 3:18; Titus 2:3-5)

Husbands - Love your wife  (Eph. 5:25-33; Col. 3:19)

Forgive one another (Heb. 12:14-15; Matt. 6:9-15; Luke 17:3-4)

Repent to God & one another (Matt. 5:23-24; Luke 13:1-5; Acts 3:19-21)

Prefer & Serve one another  (Rom. 12:10; John 13:1-17; Phil. 2:1-8)

Romance each other  (Song of Solomon)

Communicate with love & understanding  (Prov. 20:5; Eph. 4:29; Col. 4:6)

Put your spouse ahead of parents, children, & others  (Genesis 2:24)

Be faithful  (1 Cor. 6:15-20; Matt. 5:27-28)

Encourage one another  (1 Thess. 5:11)

Make love  (Prov. 5:15-19; 1 Cor. 7:3-5)

Some other things to remember:

Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.

~Prov. 4:23

"Let the wife make the husband glad to come home, & let him make her sorry to see him leave."  ~Martin Luther

But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator. Here there is not Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave,free; but Christ is all, and in all. Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.  ~Col. 3:8-17

Finally, let me recommend a few books for you.  If you're not a reader, let me encourage you to become one, because there really is no better way to learn & grow.  These are incredible books full of godly wisdom & simply bursting with Scriptural application!

Becoming the Woman of His Dreams by Sharon Jaynes is a highly practical book with 25 applications after each section, plus a study guide & prayers in the back.  This book has been so helpful in giving me new ideas & re-centering me when I get a little off.  I simply adore it!

 

Oh, me, oh, my!  What an amazing book!  We are inundated every day with all sorts of lies about God, about ourselves, about sin, about men - you name it, Satan (the father of lies) has led us into wrong thinking regarding it.  Nancy does a superb job tackling these lies & using God's Word to show them as the twisting of truth that they really are.  Seriously, you need this book!

 

Because this is a post for men & women, I would be remiss if I failed to include books that help husbands!  I haven't read either of the following books, but I asked my beloved, & these were his first suggestions.  I hope they're as helpful to you as the ones above will be to your wife.

 

My prayer is that you, your spouse, & your marriage are blessed by this post.  The state of marriage in the church seems to be almost as bad off as outside the church, & it just should not be so.  We have God's Word - the only foundation for truth to be had in this crazy, sinful world - to guide our thoughts, words, & deeds.  Please, let's run to God rather than "Cosmo", "Desperate Housewives", or Katy Perry for wisdom & truth.  Our marriages aren't the only thing at stake here.  So is our witness for Christ to this dying world.  May our marriages reflect the love of Christ & bring our Savior glory!  Amen!

Marriage Works!

Have you ever thought about how much of our lives are spent in preparation & study?  I've been reflecting on this lately, & it occurs to me that we honestly spend the majority of our lives preparing for one thing or another.  Consider:  from the time we begin our formal education (sometimes even before), we are studying for exams or working hard to perfect some skill, be it sports, music, or any other discipline.  We put a lot of effort into making sure that we have all of the information to excel in our studies & athletic/artistic pursuits.  This hard-working mentality even carries on through our post-secondary education to whatever arena we choose to employ our knowledge & abilities, both in our jobs & in our leisure activities.  We simply take it for granted that excelling in life will require a deep knowledge base & a honing of abilities, so we work very hard at acquiring these necessities in almost every area of our lives.  Almost.

The one area that seems to be most neglected here is relationships.  We live in a sinful world full of sinful people.  Sinful people commit sin against each other.  There is not a single relationship that will remain untainted by sin.  And that makes relationships hard.  Two relationships are the most difficult:  relationships between spouses & relationships between parent & child.  So, I've been thinking - why is it that we just expect to excel in these relationships without study & hard work?  We will almost kill ourselves to perfect our knowledge so that we are good at our job or our passion, but we think that marriage & parenting will just come naturally.  Therefore, we put little to no effort into gaining godly wisdom about how to be a good spouse or a good parent.  And then we wonder why our families are falling apart.  Forgive me, but this disparity just makes no sense.

Last week, I became aware of no less than 3 marriages that are now defunct.  One lasted less than a year.  All 3 of these marriages were entered into - & dissolved by - people who grew up in the church & still claim Christ as their Savior.  One of them lamented about searching for God's will.  Can I be honest here?  I wanted to scream.  As a matter of fact, if memory serves, I believe I did.  Why is it that even believers will look to any other source than God's Word for wisdom, or even for His will?  Is it because we don't believe His Word to be the final authority in all matters of our lives?  Or is it because we don't like that His Word won't allow us to wallow in our sin, so we ignore it?  We need a reality check.

We love to sing, "What a friend we have in Jesus"!  And we truly do have the ultimate friend in Him.  John 15:13 reminds us of this truth because Jesus Christ is its fulfillment:

Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.

We rightly revel in the truth that Jesus Christ willingly died for us on the cross!  The problem is that we tend to stop here & ignore what comes next:

You are my friends if you do what I command you.

The proof that we are saved by Christ's sacrifice is that we obey His commands.  It follows that if we choose to ignore His commands, this is proof that we are not friends for whom Jesus died.  So, what commands found in His Word are either specific to or can be applied to marriage?  We'll explore that next time.

Inseparable

A week ago today, Michael went to the doctor by himself, & I cried. Since the birth of our marriage, we have always gone to each other's doctor appointments, so I was upset that I wasn't able to get ready in time for this one. We are happily joined at the hip as much as possible & tease that we're considering surgery to make it permanent. ;-) We are unhappy apart & blissful together. That's not to say that we feel the need to do absolutely everything together; Michael had lunch today with Arnold, & I spent time with Sommer last week. But more than anything we revel in each other's company. In reading our TEA time Bible study book - Becoming the Woman of His Dreams - I found confirmation for our inseparable tendencies.

"There is such a thing as creeping separateness. What do young people who are freshly married do? They can't rest when they're apart. They want to be together all the time. But they develop separate interests, especially if they have separate jobs & some separate friends. So they drift apart. Pretty soon they have little in common except, maybe, the children. So the stage is set for one of them to fall in love with someone else. Later they'll say the reason for the divorce was that he/she fell in love with someone else, but it wasn't that at all. It was because they let themselves grow apart." pg. 120-121

If you pay attention to the conjunctions "but" & "so", you'll see a causal relationship. Because they develop separate interests, they drift apart. Because they drift apart, they are vulnerable to outside advances. It's wise for a husband & wife to cultivate, maintain, & pursue commonalities together, because in doing so, their marriage will be stronger. Perhaps Michael & me "being attached at the hip" isn't such a crazy thing after all! ;-)

GirlTalk Gems

Sorry for the very, very long absence.  I just haven't had the desire to share much of anything.  But I came across these gems from GirlTalk & just had to break my silence.

Equality in Marriage?

"I once had lively discussion with a brother who insisted that in his relationship everything was equal, and that this was the hallmark of their marriage. To him equal meant same and therefore interchangeable. He proudly rejected the idea of male initiation and female response. And what is more, he thought he was serving the cause of women in this.

I responded by saying that in my marriage, my wife and I never think about equality, though if forced to think about it we would affirm our mutual worth before God. Instead, I see my wife as better and more precious than I--of greater worth. And I told him my wife took no offense in this matter. Indeed she gets upset with me precisely at the point when I start treating her as my equal. To her it feels like a step down."

~John Ensor, Doing Things Right In Matters of the Heart, p. 95

Submission & Spiritual Gifts

Yet another way we can misapply submission is by assuming it squashes a woman's gifts. But that is not God's intent for submission. Remember, "each has received a gift" (1 Pet 4:10). This means every Christian: no exceptions and no reversals. We have each been given talents and spiritual gifts by God and we are called to use them, as it says in this verse "to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace."
 
Submission does not limit a woman's gifts, but provides a safety zone in which they can flourish. A humble husband will not assume he is the best at everything or exercise his leadership in an arrogant or domineering way. A wise husband will encourage, nourish, and cultivate his wife's gifts for the good of the family and the church. And a godly wife will welcome that kind of godly leadership.

In some cases, submission means that at we heed our husband's encouragement to step out and use our gifts, even if we are hesitant or afraid. And at other times, submission means we follow our husband when he thinks we should pull back from serving, because we are overextended to the detriment of our spiritual health or family life.

So a submissive wife isn't on the sidelines--she's a good steward of God's varied grace. And a wise and loving husband takes seriously his responsibility to encourage his wife to use her gifts for the glory of God.

Are You Up For a Challenge?

Update:  I've also decided to pray through an exceptional book - Prayers of an Excellent Wife - that arranges Scripture into prayers.  You can see examples by following the link above.  I'm very excited about this whole adventure!

We've just begun studying through Becoming the Woman of His Dreams in our Thursday morning ladies' Bible study, & I can already tell that God's going to use this tool to change me.  I'm excited!  Of course, it got me thinking about other sources of encouragement, which reminded me of Revive Our Hearts.  I've gone through their 30 day True Woman Makeover twice now & loved it both times.  It's such an encouragement to live according to the biblical principles laid out in Proverbs 31, Titus 2, & 1 Timothy 2!  I've signed up for it again & am looking forward to it once more.  But I didn't stop there!  I also signed up for the Husband Encouragement Challenge*, of which I've also heard wonderful things.  I want to be, not just the best wife I can be, but the most godly wife I can be.  I want to be a blessing to Michael as well as glorifying to my Lord.  Will you join me?!  Let's take up the challenge to be godly women loving our husbands for the glory of God!

*You may have to sign up for them separately - as I did - if you want to take them both.

Dancing in the Minefields

Michael saw this excellent post about marriage on Provocations & Pantings that I just had to share with you.  I love the song, & the recording showing Robertson McQuilkin's love for his wife was nothing short of beautiful.  Enjoy!

A Home Like Philippians 2

Our couples' Bible study last evening was so excellent!  We're in between studies at the moment, so Sweet T helped us apply the first several verses of Philippians 2 to our relationships with our husbands.  I'd like to share my notes with you, because I found our time to be rather insightful & came away knowing some things I'd like to do differently.  As she pointed out, so must I:  that homes where the following qualities are exhibited are joyful homes that glorify God & draw in others.  That's the kind of home I want!  My prayer is that you'll find this as beneficial as I.

So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind.  Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.  Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.  Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men.  And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.

~Philippians 2:1-8

     -Be encouraging & comfort each other in love:  Our husbands have very heavy loads that sometimes weigh them down significantly.  I can only speak to Michael's burdens, but I'm sure your experiences are the same in that sometimes he just needs encouragement.  He needs to hear that he's providing well, or that he's doing the best job possible, or that you are there for him in whatever he needs.  Whether it be work- or family-related or even just an emotionally down day, I am to be an encourager & comforter to my dearly beloved.

     -Fellowship in the Spirit:  Fellowship is defined as companionship or communion; an appropriate synonym in this instance is intimacy.  But because that word is followed by the phrase in the Spirit, we're obviously not talking about just sitting around the TV or taking in a sports event sort of companionship.  Sweet T always talks about how the Spirit in me bears witness with the Spirit in you that we belong to God.  It is a sweet thing when 2 people are able to fellowship in this way, particularly when they are husband & wife.  Some of Michael's & my most cherished times together are when we're coming before the Lord together, united as one.  We don't do this enough, though, & that's something we both want to change so that we fellowship in the Spirit more & more.

     -Affection & Sympathy:  Love that finds no expression isn't love.  Inward feelings of affection are good, but they must also be displayed outwardly.  Sympathy is the word chosen for the ESV; mercy in the NKJV; compassion in the NIV.  I think this ties in with our first admonition to be encouraging & comforting.  For me, the use of the word mercy here makes me think of the times when I've gotten angry with Michael & wanted to make him wait for forgiveness, or even those times when I've just been impatient with him.  Show mercy, Chrissy!  Let the loving feelings that you have for this beautiful man display themselves in sympathy, mercy, & compassion towards him, even when you don't feel like it!

     -Be of the same mind:  This takes communication, something that does not come naturally between the sexes & must be developed over time.  Although I think Michael & I do pretty well in this department, there are apparently times when I've expected him to know things that I haven't actually told him.  Our female friends tend to be intuitive, knowing what we're thinking or feeling by our body language.  We can even do this with our husbands; because this is our experience, we expect the same from him.  But men are straight-forward, usually no-nonsense & need to be told.  This is especially important this time of year when taxes are being done & people are deciding what to do with their refunds.  Michael wants a saw; I want to save.  To become of the same mind, we're going to have to communicate.  And since impatience & raised voices sort of defeat the purpose (being of the same mind), they're not allowed!  ;-)

    -Maintain the same love:  The first thing that came to my mind here was the importance of forgiveness.  Anytime we've been angry with each other, a silence falls over our household.  For a while, there's a stalemate as neither of us are willing to take that first step towards reconciliation.  We're not maintaining our love.  We're building a wall between us that we then have to deconstruct in order to be united again.  So, forgiveness - immediate, whole-hearted forgiveness - is key.  Also, the longer you're married, the more the temptation is to take your love for granted because of its familiarity.  It's important to really look at our husbands & remember all of the reasons why we married him & why we love him this very day.  It's even better if we write those reasons down for him to read for himself.  Then, we're maintaining our love, as well as being an encouragement & outwardly expressing our affection.  Win, win, win!

     -Be united in spirit:  This is the "if you go down, we all go down" mentality.  Solidarity, in a word.  Which would most display this attitude when our husbands make what turns out to be a wrong choice?

          A) Whining about how miserable our lives have been made as a result;
          B) Saying, "I told you so" or "You should have done it my way";
          C) Reminding him that God is sovereign & you support & love him

He doesn't need to hear how badly he's messed up; chances are, he's beating himself up enough without our help.  We need to let him know that we're still with him, no matter what.  And here's something to keep in mind:  do unto others as you would have them do unto you. I know, we're so perfect & never make mistakes, but on the off-chance that we have a goof-up, we'd definitely prefer this response; why wouldn't he?

     -Be intent on one purpose: The purpose of every Christian family should be to glorify God in all we say, do, or think. It's important to establish a purpose - & there's none more worthy than this - because that purpose is what you'll filter all of your decisions & actions through. For an example (that doesn't have to be copied), Michael & I got rid of his 50-some-odd inch TV soon after moving into this house. I've been an avid TV watcher all of my life, & he went through a period where he watched a whole lot of movies. Even so, we became concerned about the content that we were allowing into our home through this medium. Our consciences were pricked with the immorality & ungodly behavior we were observing. For us, we felt that watching such things was not glorifying to God, so we axed it. Our purpose of glorifying God was the standard by which we made this decision.-Be humble:  Humility can be a very uncomfortable position, but it's probably one of the most important attitudes we can ever take.  In our marriage, it takes many forms.  The most obvious is when we have to repent - both to God & to our spouse.  For some reason, it really hurts sometimes to say that we were wrong & to ask for forgiveness.  It also takes humility to relinquish a legitimate claim to retribution & extend forgiveness for a wrong.  We also need to be humble in our speech - not speaking too much or too brashly - & our dress - wearing modest clothes that protect our husband's exclusive right to view our bodies intimately.

     -Do nothing from rivalry or conceit:  I was particularly struck by the word rivalry.  How often, when we differ with our husbands do we view them as an adversary, as competition?  That's so wrong.  As Adam said of Eve, we are bone of his bone & flesh of his flesh.  When we marry, we become one.  Michael is not my opponent, he's my partner.  We're to work together.  I loved Sweet T's illustration of a yoke.  Michael & I are in the yoke together, striving to plow the same field as a team.  If we both pull together, the work is made easier & goes by more quickly.  But if he's pulling one way & I'm fighting against him going in the other direction, that field won't get plowed.  So, how do we make the decision about which direction to go when we're diametrically opposed?  This goes back to submission; I'm called to submit to him.  He sets the direction, & I'm to work with him - not against him - to accomplish our goal.  It's not always fun or easy, but it is the command of Scripture which I ignore at my own peril.  And what about the conceit part of this?  Well, to my mind, running our marriage under these precepts takes an enormous amount of "dying to self", leaving no room for conceit.

     -Count him as more important than myself:  How many times have I gotten frustrated because I haven't done this?  Here I am, trying to read a book or cook a meal or corral a dog & Michael asks me to help him in some way.  I can respond one of two ways:  with irritation at this interruption or with joy at an opportunity to serve my beloved.  It's more natural to become irritated, because it's sometimes an inconvenience to me.  But let me tell you, the times when Christ has been working through me & I've joyfully served Michael have been some of the most rewarding times of my life!  It really is more blessed to give than to receive!  Over-used or not, it's still biblical.

     -Look to the model of Christ:  Our lives as Christians, day in & day out, always return to the Gospel.  In this text, we see Jesus' humility as an example for us to follow.  Our daily dialogue should sound something like this:  "As Jesus was humble & served others, so should I"; "As Jesus forgave others, so should I"; "As Jesus relied on Scripture, so should I"; "As Jesus was devoted to His Father, so should I be"; "As Jesus loved His enemies, so should I" . . . & so on & so forth.

Just a couple more things.  I know this is long, but you've hung on for this long, so please stay with me!  1) None of this is possible under our own strength.  If we try to comfort our husbands or maintain our love or be of the same mind by our own power, we may be able to hang on for a little while, but it won't last.  We aren't strong enough.  So, rely on Christ's strength.  He's strong enough & powerful enough; all we have to do is ask.  And as Sweet T has said, we have the awesome privilege of praying for what He's commanded & the awesome promise that when we do so, He'll grant it!  2) Whether or not our husbands behave in these ways matters not even a little.  We will not answer to God for them.  He has commanded these things of us, & they are not contingent on our husbands' obedience.  It's hard, I know, but we're to obey God & have all of the aforementioned qualities even if we don't get them in return from our husbands.

Oh!  And PRAISE, DON'T NAG!  ;-)

I thoroughly enjoyed our study time in Philippians 2, & I hope you enjoyed my notes & thoughts on the topic.  I hope y'all have a good night.  Blessings.