A Story of Forgiveness

Photo courtesy of Corbis Images

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.  ~Ephesians 4:32

Before communion this morning, our pastor preached on this verse & asked us to examine ourselves to make certain that we would not "eat of the bread or drink of the cup in a manner unworthy" & thus "be guilty concerning the body & blood of the Lord."  (1 Cor. 11:20-34)  As I sit here, I can honestly say that at the moment there is no one with whom I am at odds & in need of extending forgiveness toward.  However, that's not always the case & certainly has not been so in the past.  Forgiving others can sometimes be one of the hardest of God's commands to follow.  Today, I'd like to share with you a personal story of forgiveness, highlighting God's grace in bringing me to it.

As you may or may not know, I was molested as a child; however, that's not what I want to focus on here.  What I want to focus on is how God brought me through the anger & hatred that I felt for the family who blamed me to the place of healing & forgiveness.  When I discovered that not only had it happened again, but that my family's reaction toward this victim was the same as it had been toward me, concentrated anger flooded over me.  Anger that hardened into full-blown hate.

As a Christian, I knew it was wrong to hate, knew that:

If anyone says, "I love God," and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen.  ~1 John 4:20

Yet, I foolishly thought this did not apply to me because of the heinous nature of what was done to me (& her), both by the molester & by my family.  I had a right to be angry - my anger was righteous - & I had a right to hate.  The result of this was that I cut off all ties with my family for several years as the anger ate me alive from the inside out.

Anger - & its by-product hate - is a funny animal.  As it took hold in my heart, I nursed it.  As I nursed it, it's tentacles entagled themselves ever deeper until it colored every part of my life & held me captive.  I was in constant turmoil, wanting to be reconciled with those I'd once cherished, but clutching tightly to my anger in the face of their refusal to acknowledge & atone for their wrongs.  The only way, to my mind, for the relationships to be redeemed was for the guilty to pay for their sins.  It got to the point where I carried around a constant burning in the pit of my stomach, a knot that never loosened.  I went so far as to try to escape it all by moving 650 miles away.  I thought distance would heal me.  It did lessen the pressure because I no longer faced the situation daily, but I was by no means healed.

During the course of my struggles, I sought the help of 2 pastors & 2 counselors.  Even so, my anger & anguish were not alleviated.  One evening, the Holy Spirit convicted me of my anger & unforgiving attitude.  I don't remember what the sermon I was listening to was on, but I remember this overwhelming certainty that I needed to forgive.  When the Holy Spirit prods, it's foolish to ignore Him, so I reached out & reconciled with my family.  And I thought I had forgiven them.  The only thing was that when I thought about everything that had happened - the molestation, their betrayal, their refusal to admit wrong & apologize - I was still filled with anger.  And while I was on speaking terms with them, I was really just going through the motions.  I told myself that my cold heart towards them was natural because they had done nothing to earn back my trust.  I was just being cautious with my heart so that they couldn't hurt me again.  And while it is true that you can forgive someone without placing trust in them, looking back I can say that this simply was not what was going on here.  I was cold of heart because I had not fully forgiven them.  I still expected payment.

Fast-forward again.  When Michael & I met, I nervously shared with him the story of my molestation.  Nervously, because I saw myself as dirty, damaged goods.  I figured he needed to know sooner rather than later so he could bail if he wanted to.  He didn't.  Instead, he sent me a box of books & sermons.  Contained in that box was Mark Driscoll's sermon on expiation & C.J. Mahaney's book Living the Cross-Centered Life.  I cried as Mark explained from the Scriptures that Christ's death on the cross cleansed me not only of the sins I commit, but also of the sins committed against me.  This laid the foundation for C.J.'s book, through which, by the grace of God, I was finally freed.  And through which I was finally able to free my prisoners.  It was amazingly simple!  What finally freed me was the Gospel.

Christ, one with God the Father from eternity past, became incarnate & dwelt among us.  Fully God & fully man, He lived a perfectly sinless life, always in the will of the Father, living in complete communion with & submission to the Father in our place.  When it pleased the Father, Christ was punished for our sin in His death on the cross.  Bearing our shame, bearing God's wrath, He died the death we deserve.  Through His mercy & grace, we are given His righteousness when we repent of our sin & believe in Him.  He was condemned so we could be justified.

As I read Living the Cross-Centered Life, the truth of the Gospel hit me between the eyes full force.  I realized for the first time the heinous nature of my own sin.  Because God is perfectly holy, in order for me to enter His presence, I must be perfectly holy.  And I'm not.  Because I'm not, to show His great mercy & to bring glory to His name, He paid for my sin so I could come to Him.  The offended paid the penalty for the offender.  Incredible!  In seeing this truth, I also realized that the sins committed against me, no matter how horrible, pale in comparison to my sin against God.  Because, the true measure of sin is not the sin itself, but who is sinned against.  And since God is infinitely holy, all sin committed against Him - no matter how "small" in our eyes - is infinitely wicked & infinitely worthy of damnation.  That's simply not the case when someone sins against me.

So, the conclusion that I arrived at was this:  If God has forgiven me, who am I to withhold forgiveness from others?  In that instant, I was finally freed!  Totally, completely, wholly freed!  What happened to me was wrong, but I no longer feel anger over it.  I no longer hold my family hostage.  I never got an acknowledgement or an apology from them, & I find I no longer need it.  The truth of the matter is, if they're saved - & I believe they are - then Christ has already paid for their sins, & they are no more.

So, let me encourage you.  If you're facing a situation & are finding it difficult to forgive, you can just let it go.  You can meditate on & rejoice in the Gospel & forgive.  And you'll discover, as I did, that you'll finally find freedom.

Soli Deo Gloria!

Courageous Movie

We've enjoyed Sherwood Pictures' other films & are really looking forward to this one, too!

Glory To ~ Sovereign Grace Music

Alright, people!  Put your dancing shoes on!  This song will start your morning off right!  I tried in vain to find a video for it - somebody be a dear & make one for me, because I myself don't have a clue how to - but this link is the next best thing.  Turn it up LOUD & dance around!  Enjoy & give "Glory To" the Father, Son, & Holy Spirit!!!

Laughable Mayhem

These Allstate Mayhem videos are proof that I have a twisted sense of humor.  'Cause they seriously crack me up!



Did you catch that wicked little laugh at the end?  Hilarious!



Creepy, but SO funny!  Come on, you know you laughed, too.  ;-)

Catching Up

I spent yesterday & part of today getting reacquainted with an old friend.  We met when I was in college, & I was immediately enthralled.  He was funny, exciting, & could tug at my heart-strings.  I haven't seen or heard from him in 4 years, though, & have really missed him.  But, yesterday, while Michael was otherwise engaged, we were able to do some much needed catching up.  And, just like old times, he made me laugh, he made me cry (just a little, in a sweet way), & he made my heart race with anticipation.  Great times!  And I'm really looking forward to being able to spend a lot of time with him over the next 2-3 weeks!

I had you going there for a second, didn't I?  ;-)  Now on to book 2!  Yea!

On Family-Integrated Churches: Wisdom from Sproul, Jr.

Earlier, I posted a link to the film "Divided" that's recently come out.  The purpose of the film is to explore youth groups in churches, specifically whether they are biblical & helpful.  As a result of this movie, people are coming out in droves debating "Family-Integrated Churches".  I received a new "Ask R.C." in my email this morning that is quite pertinent to this discussion.  R.C. Sproul, Jr. receives questions from people on a whole host of biblical topics, & he posts the answers for the benefit of all.  I found his following words to be overflowing with timely wisdom.  I hope you enjoy them as well!

"Q:  Help! We can’t find a family integrated church in our area. What should we do?

A:  First, whenever the question is, “What should we do?” the best first answer is “Repent and believe the gospel.” God does not welcome into His kingdom only those who both trust in the finished work of Christ alone and don’t allow their children into youth group. Some, sad to say, get so excited about discovering that the notion that our children must attend youth group or Sunday School is nothing more than tradition with no biblical warrant, end up with a rather distorted sense of priorities. Some forget the vital distinction between primary and secondary issues. Some, I’m afraid, would rather be in a family-integrated Mormon “church” than a divided evangelical church. Even more, almost as bad, would rather not be in a church than be in a divided church. In order not to divide up their family, the whole family is divided from the church, as these families set up their own “churches” in their own homes. These are in turn cut off from the blessings of elders, pastors, the communion of the saints and the grace of discipline. They are divided from the church. It is madness.

Second, one can always be a family integrated family, even without a family integrated church. I know of no church that requires its members to send their children to youth group, or to Sunday School. You can keep your family together even when others don’t see the wisdom of doing so. You may have to miss Sunday School, or you could, graciously and kindly ask if your child or children might sit in on the adult Sunday School, or if you might sit in in theirs. You can always teach your family together at home before you go to join the saints in corporate worship on the Lord’s Day morning.

Third, you can relax. Though I am confident that a family-integrated church is the best way to go, though I would love to see many churches go back to how the church operated over the centuries, I know in turn that there are plenty of family integrated churches that have far deeper problems than some non family integrated churches. I know that most non family integrated churches have far deeper problems than not being family integrated. We are bodies made up of sinners, and so we ought not be surprised when sin shows its ugly head in our corporate life. When it does, our first instinct ought to be to look for the log in our own eyes. The youth leader is likely not secretly seeking to seduce your children to the dark side. He wants to help. The octogenarian Sunday School teacher isn’t the devil’s handmaiden. She wants to help. The elders who created these programs, even if those programs have some overlap with a Darwinian understanding of education, are not a cabal of Darwinians. They want to help.

With all the cancer my family has been through I have had countless deeply caring people suggest countless alternative therapies. Though they might be right, my response is a sincere, “No thank you.” I don’t need to make them agree with me. I don’t need to defeat their arguments or evidence. I don’t need to have internet wars over their theories. I just pass on what they offer. Sometimes I read their information. Sometimes I don’t. You certainly can feel free to talk to others about your commitment to keeping your family together. You can talk to your pastor and your elders about the issue. But if they don’t hear you as loving, gracious, relaxed, and committed to the well being of the congregation, then you have a bigger problem than age segregation. You have a Hebrews 13:17 problem.:

Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief for that is unprofitable for you.

So back to step one. Repent, and believe the gospel."

A Little Political Debunking

I've seen some weird statements that Herman Cain or Michele Bauchmann are "Tea Party darlings".  See, I have a hard time processing how that can be because the whole Tea Party movement began with a money bomb for Ron Paul on the anniversary of the Boston Tea Party during the 2008 election.  If you're a "Tea Partier" with a choice between Ron Paul & someone else, you choose Ron Paul.  Period.  But, because these two are getting some press, I'm going to take a little time & debunk them for you.  'Cause let me tell you, they can talk a good game, but their record shows that they are not what they pretend!  Thomas E. Woods is a great historian, so this is an excellent place to begin your education.  Don't take his word as Gospel, but use this as a jumping-off place.  And, by all means, do not just rely on the media for your information . . . including "fair & unbiased" Fox News!

First up, learn about the trouble with Herman Cain:



As for Michele, you can read about her voting record here, which may be quite illuminating for those who believe her to be a "Constitutional Conservative".

And finally, watch below for a quick synopsis - meant for the Iowa voters heading to the straw poll, but more than applicable to the entire American constituency - of why Ron Paul is the most qualified man for the presidency:

Fireworks Fail

I wanted to take really beautiful pictures of the 4th of July fireworks.  Really, I did!  Michael & I missed out on the last 2 celebrations because he was working.  So, I was really looking forward to heading down to the riverfront to enjoy the fireworks this year.  And take pictures, of course!  I LOVE taking pictures, & have fancied myself to be somewhat good at it, particularly because of my Smoky Mountains & Spring pictures.  Well!  Turns out, taking pictures of fireworks is quite different!  I put the camera on the night-vision setting & fired away.  I expected beautiful pictures at which we could "oooh!" & "aaah!".  Here's what I actually got.  Make sure you're sitting down so you don't hurt yourself laughing at me.  Seriously.  Sit.

Like, seriously?!  What in the world happened?!  I haven't a clue.  It could have to do with that delay-shutter thing that kept happening.  Not being able to take rapid pictures didn't help, either, & made me miss quite a few pictures.  Although, judging by the products, perhaps that's not such a bad thing!  ;-)  Yep.  Fireworks.  I think I might skip next year's "photo adventure".  Then again . . . maybe the world could use some "artsy" fireworks pictures!  (Artsy's what I'm gonna go with here to soothe my wounded ego!)  ;-)

Quotable Christians

I'd like to share some quotes with you that have been meaningful statements in my life over the last couple of weeks.  These are by no means the only meaningful statements that have impacted me, but I don't think anybody has time enough for me to list them all!  ;-)  So, for the sake of brevity, I'm choosing 3 (my favorite number - yes, I'm dorky enough to have such a thing) to share.  First up:  John Piper (admit it, you knew he'd be in here!) . . .

     *"When you are united to Christ, by one thing – faith – you are disunited from His competitors – sin.  If you are at home with Jesus, you are at odds with sin.  Not because being at odds with sin makes you at home with Jesus, but because being at home with Jesus makes you at odds with sin!"

Can you guess who said this next one when speaking of the formulation of his doctrine?

     *"I should have much to answer for had I invented it myself, or taken it upon trust from Calvin, but as I find it in the Scripture I cheerfully embrace it."  Time's up!  If you guessed John Newton, go buy yourself some ice cream (the best reward for a job well done that I can conceive)!

And last, but certainly not least, a quote from a man that I admire, respect, & love personally - my own pastor:

     *"Everything about our faith is personal, but none of it is private."

So!  There you have it.  Be at home with Jesus - through faith - & at odds with your sin, form your beliefs on God's Word alone, & share your faith with others both in word & deed.  Words of wisdom to live by.  Go in peace; serve the Lord!

Edelweiss ~ The Honey Trees

This song is filled with such longing.  Ever since falling in love with it through "The Sound of Music", aching as Captain von Trapp struggles through it on stage, knowing that the Austria he loves will never be the same, I have felt that longing.  In my estimation, this version definitely does the original justice.

A Grammar Lesson

I love grammar & spelling.  I've been blessed that both have always come naturally to me.  And, perhaps because I was a teacher for 6 years, I feel the urge to teach a little lesson today.  Now, don't drop off to sleep here; I promise this will be quick & painless!  And if I sound like I'm talking to 2nd graders, please forgive me; that was my average audience once upon a time.

"What has brought this up now?", you may ask.  Well, Michael & I have passed a billboard several times that is driving me crazy!  Seriously.  I'm actually considering emailing the people who put it up.  It's a very large billboard - as most of them are - right out on the interstate, for all passersby to behold.  This particular billboard's offense (oooh!  dramatic, huh?) is to spell the contraction for "you all" incorrectly.  Yep, this really does bother me.  The first time I saw it, I started screaming & throwing things around the cab of the truck, & we got pulled over by the police & . . . okay, not really.  (You didn't really fall for that, did you?)  But it does get on my nerves to the point where I wonder how Southerners could mess up this quintessential Southern saying.  I've heard tell that some people, upon hearing a Southern accent, automatically assume that person's intelligence to be inferior.  To my mind, there's no sense in perpetuating that misconception by lauding poor grammar for all travelers foreign & domestic (to the South, that is) to see.  It's obviously a small matter & certainly not urgent, but man, it grates on my nerves!  I'm weird that way.  ;-)

So, today's lesson will be on contractions, specifically how to properly write them.  A contraction is one word made by smashing two separate words together.  I used to tell my kids that it was like two word-trains on the same track that came together so forcefully that some of the letters just popped right out.  Then, we put an apostrophe in the place of the missing letters.  For example:

     *Look at "they will" & "they'll".  The two letters that have popped out are 'w' & 'i', so that's where we put the apostrophe.  The same thing happens for "she will" (she'll), "we will" (we'll), & "you will" (you'll).

I actually understand why people spell the contraction for "you all" the same way; they assume it's just like the examples above.  But look:

     * When "you all" smashes together, the 'o' & 'u' are the letters that pop out, & when you put an apostrophe in the place of these missing letters, it goes right behind the 'y'.  So, instead of ya'll (splitting up the complete word 'all', as in the offending billboard message), the correct spelling is y'all.

Okay!  I'm down off of my soapbox.  See?  Quick & painless!  Loads more introduction than instruction.  That's how I roll!  (I just wanted to try that, but it really sounds odd coming out of my "mouth", doesn't it?)  Anyways, thank y'all for staying with me & putting up with my idiosyncrasies.  Y'all have been great!  I hope y'all have a wonderful rest of the day!  (Just practicing!)  ;-)

Moon River ~ The Honey Trees

I love sweet, simple, low-key songs like this version of the classic.

Divided

Official Divided the Movie (HD Version) from NCFIC on Vimeo.

Michael & I watched this movie last evening & were quite intrigued.  We found the arguments for father-to-child discipleship & against age segregation in the church to be quite compelling.  We would like to hear from y'all.  After watching the movie (which isn't all that long) & dealing with the texts discussed therein, please let us know your thoughts.  We hope y'all enjoy the film as much as we did!

Joy Made Complete

What a heart-stirring, poignant video!  Visit Katie once again to see the rest of the story.  God is truly amazing!

True North

Photo courtesy of Favim.com

True North.  Sailors on the high seas or backpackers struggling through the wilderness navigate by it.  It's different from the magnetic North found on a compass in that it never deviates.  True North never moves from its place.  It's stable.  Constant.  Unwavering.  And therefore trustworthy.

Like those travelers, we are all trying to navigate through this life.  The number of stars that beckon to us, that threaten to throw us off course, that try to distract us, are innumerable.  And if we're not careful, following their siren's song can dash us against the rocks in the end.  So, we need a True North.  We need a stable, constant, unwavering, & altogether trustworthy Authority to guide us through both tempestuous & calm seas.

Each day we are inundated with situations that demand our opinions & actions:
     ~A mother choosing between life or aborting her child;
     ~A husband choosing between honoring his vows or abandoning his marriage;
     ~A son choosing between honoring his parents or rebelling against their God-given authority;
     ~A daughter choosing between modest or provocative dress;
     ~An uncle choosing between giving into or fighting his sinful same-sex attractions;
     ~A wife choosing between an angry response or a soft answer that turns away wrath;
     ~A brother choosing between laziness or industry;
     ~A grandmother choosing between gluttony or finding satisfaction in Christ . . .

How do we decide what the correct course is? Sadly, all too often, we rely on our own opinions. None of us form our opinions in a vacuum; all of us are influenced in some way, for good or evil. The idea of "original thought" is a fallacy; for that to be possible, we would have to think something that no one in the history of mankind has thought. So, the foundation of our opinions matters a great deal. So far as I see it, there are two possible foundations:

     *Ourselves - We form our own opinions, determining what is right & wrong for ourselves. There's just one problem here: our opinions are influenced by our emotions & our culture. Are either of those stable? Constant? Unwavering? Goodness, are either of those perfectly sinless? Incablable of error? Then why in the world would we consider them trustworthy?

     *The Word of God - We form our opinions - & thus our actions - on Scripture alone, looking to God to determine what is right & wrong. We recognize that - unlike God & His Word - we are not infallible, nor inerrant, nor omniscient. We have not perfect knowledge, so we cannot come to perfect understanding that is required to form perfect thoughts & opinions. We recognize that because our every thought, word, & deed is tainted by sin, we cannot rely on ourselves to make perfect judgments or decisions.

Here's an example to illustrate my point: I became embroiled a couple of weeks ago in a debate regarding homosexuality, specifically the nature of it.  What was most surprising about this debate was that it was begun by a woman who grew up in the church & claims Christ as her Savior.  And yet, in the course of our dialogue, she made it clear that she considers homosexuality to be perfectly normal & sinless.  Now, where would she have gotten this notion?  Certainly not from Scripture, for - as I pointed out - God's Word is replete with condemnation for this "dishonorable" (Rom. 1:26-27) & "unnatural" (Jude 1:7) "abomination" (Lev. 18:22 & 20:13).  She paid no heed.  So, if Scripture isn't her final authority, what is?  It turns out she is her own authority, & that is a most precarious position in which to be.

In our Sunday school lesson today, we discussed how we don't want to be servants of the King, but our own mini-kings.  Our fondest desire is to see our own desires fulfilled.  So, we set ourselves up on the thrones of our hearts, determining that whatever we deem to be good & right is reality.  We put ourselves in the center, in the place of authority . . . & thus lead ourselves & those who follow our example to wreck & ruin.

We all need to steer by True North - a stable, constant, unwavering, & trustworthy Authority.  Such is the Word of God, & such should be the foundation of all of our lives.  It's the only guide that won't lead us off course.

Reading God's Word Aloud - A Shared Article

Have you been to A Glimpse of Our Vapor yet?  It's a precious blog filled with personal stories of the Kizziah's lives as well as testimonies to God's grace.  If you haven't read it, you should.  Allow me to encourage you to let today be that day, for Katie has shared an article that her brother Kameron wrote regarding the reading of Scripture aloud.  It's humble, sprinkled with Scripture all throughout (my favorite kind of post), & simply wonderful.  I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!  God's blessings!

Inseparable

A week ago today, Michael went to the doctor by himself, & I cried. Since the birth of our marriage, we have always gone to each other's doctor appointments, so I was upset that I wasn't able to get ready in time for this one. We are happily joined at the hip as much as possible & tease that we're considering surgery to make it permanent. ;-) We are unhappy apart & blissful together. That's not to say that we feel the need to do absolutely everything together; Michael had lunch today with Arnold, & I spent time with Sommer last week. But more than anything we revel in each other's company. In reading our TEA time Bible study book - Becoming the Woman of His Dreams - I found confirmation for our inseparable tendencies.

"There is such a thing as creeping separateness. What do young people who are freshly married do? They can't rest when they're apart. They want to be together all the time. But they develop separate interests, especially if they have separate jobs & some separate friends. So they drift apart. Pretty soon they have little in common except, maybe, the children. So the stage is set for one of them to fall in love with someone else. Later they'll say the reason for the divorce was that he/she fell in love with someone else, but it wasn't that at all. It was because they let themselves grow apart." pg. 120-121

If you pay attention to the conjunctions "but" & "so", you'll see a causal relationship. Because they develop separate interests, they drift apart. Because they drift apart, they are vulnerable to outside advances. It's wise for a husband & wife to cultivate, maintain, & pursue commonalities together, because in doing so, their marriage will be stronger. Perhaps Michael & me "being attached at the hip" isn't such a crazy thing after all! ;-)

Ron Paul Wants to Legalize Marijuana . . . And I Support Him!

*Sorry for the departure from my normal topics.  I try to refrain from political discussions because they just quite frankly anger me, but I feel this must be said.

First off, I owe you an apology. Like Ron Paul's opponents, I've written a sensationalized title to grab your attention. Now that I have it, let me also offer an admission. If you were previously unaware of this fact, let me assure you that I am not a raging drug-head. As a matter of fact, I've never even been tempted to consume a single drug. I was 20 before I tasted alcohol for the first time – watched over by my friend's parents – & have never once been inebriated. So, if I'm not a partaker of drugs – & quite frankly find their use & abuse to be idiotic – why in the world would I support an effort to legalize marijuana? For liberty's sake, that's why.

Let's get one thing straight. Ron Paul has not – I repeat, NOT – introduced a bill to legalize marijuana. Oh, that's what you'll see in the headlines (imagine – propaganda from the media!), but that's more than a little disingenuous & misleading. Ron Paul, along with other members of the House, has put forth a bill to "end state/federal conflicts over marijuana policy, reprioritize federal resources, and provide more room for states to do what is best for their own citizens."  In other words, these representatives desire to follow the Constitution by stripping the federal government of misappropriated power & properly restoring that power to the states.

Why is this so important? Aside from the fact that it honors the Constitution? Well, you also have the fact that the "War on Drugs" has officially been declared a failure & is yet one more drain on our already bankrupt country. Then you have the fact that it's yet another freedom that the federal government has taken away from American citizens. I can hear those wheels turning; I know what you're thinking, & the answer is an emphatic "No"! I am not advocating the use of marijuana or any other drug. That's not the point, & we completely fail to see the real issue when we get caught up in inflammatory accusations & pat answers. The crux of the issue is this: the Constitution clearly gives the power of such decisions to the states, not the federal government. Ron Paul doesn't want to legalize marijuana; he wants the states to make that decision one by one & for the federal government to get their grubby paws out of our personal lives. I, for one, agree.

The ramifications for this kind of thinking are far-reaching. The list of areas into which the federal government has unconstitutionally spread its power is too long to list. We already have regulations that restrict our choices in dairy, childbirth, speech, light bulbs, education, produce, religious practices, healthcare, housing, bearing arms, & private property. And don't get me started on money! Our "leaders" have decided for us how much money we can make, how much of that must go to the public (via the unconstitutional federal income tax), & how much we must pay into Social Security (which was supposed to be temporary, & from which most of us will never see payments). I'm sure you can think of more examples. Personally, I could go on & on, but I'm going to exhibit some control here, lest I stray from my point. Which is this: the Constitution gave power to sovereign states to decide what was best for their citizens. That power was never granted to the federal government, but over the years, we have acquiesced to an increasingly enlarged bureaucracy. As a result, we have an out-of-control federal government that strives to micromanage every portion of our private lives. This has to stop. In my humble opinion, Ron Paul is the only person possessing the integrity, knowledge of history, & proven record – as well as the utter disdain for seeking out popularity through votes & verbal quips – to put a stop to these intrusions. That's why we supported him in 2008. That's why we support him now.

Slaying My Anger

I was angry this morning.  I won't go into what the situation might be (other than to say it most expressly does not have anything to do with Michael, naturally), but I will say that I was on the brink of tears.  That's my typical response when I shoot past irritated, cruise beyond frustrated, & arrive at destination:  angry, angry, angry.  It doesn't help that it's completely beyond my control either - the situation, that is.  What do you do when you feel that choler burning & boiling up from the pit of your stomach, threatening to erupt in a scream?  I pondered calling Beth to vent or Sweet T to beg for wisdom & advice.  I considered waking Michael up so I could pour out my anguish & receive his sympathy.  Instead, I cried out to God to "help me, please help me, because I don't want to feel this way or respond in this manner."  He brought to mind John Piper's "How to Kill Sin" sermon series, which I have lately been listening to once again.  My thoughts ran thus:

     ~Anger is the sin that I'm presently battling, & I want to kill it.
     ~How do you kill sin?  By the Sword of the Spirit, the Word of God.
     ~That means I need to delve into my Bible to see what it has to say about anger.

Here's what I found, & it was very helpful.  As the situation & feelings of anger have continued to spring to the surface throughout this day, I have been fleeing back to God's Word for the renewal of my mind & spirit.  I pray it is the same balm to you.

*Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly.  A tranquil heart gives life to the flesh, but envy (often the cause of anger) makes the bones rot.  ~Proverbs 14:29-30 (notation mine)

*A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention.  ~Proverbs 15:18

*Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, & he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.  ~Proverbs 16:32

*Good sense makes one slow to anger, & it is his glory to overlook an offense.  ~Proverbs 19:11

*Know this, my beloved brothers:  let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, & slow to anger, for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.  ~James 1:19-20

*A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.  A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.  ~Proverbs 15:1, 4 (I found this appropriate because I'm likely to have a "harsh" or "perverse" tongue when I feel angry.)

*But now you must put them all away:  anger, wrath, malice, slander, & obscene talk from your mouth.  Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy & beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, & patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.  ~Colossians 3:8, 12-13

May the word of Christ dwell in us richly & the peace of Christ rule in our hearts.  Amen.

A Blissful Anniversary

I am so loved by my incredible husband.  So very loved.  He is . . . sigh . . . wonderful.  He shows me day by day how much he loves me & further highlights how insanely blessed I am to be his wife.  But this past week, he really outdid himself!

This past Thursday marked our 4-year anniversary.  In that funny way that time works, it seems impossible that it's been that long, & yet it also seems as though I've never known another reality.  I've certainly never known a superior reality!  This truth was underscored by the surprise celebration of our special day completely planned by my beloved.

Our celebration actually began Wednesday afternoon.  After packing everything up & dropping the dogs off at Allie's, we headed up to "the big city", where Michael had surreptitiously reserved a beautiful hotel room - complete with whirlpool tub, king bed, & loveseat.  After getting settled in, Michael whisked me off to Superior Bar & Grill (a reminder of my LA roots) for supper.  As instructed, I secured a table while he parked the truck.  What do I see as my beloved approaches our table but him carrying a beautiful yellow lily!  The hostesses (who had been told it was our anniversary) squealed with delight & gushed about how romantic he was.  It brings smiles to my face even now.  Following supper, he took me over to The Cheesecake Factory for our traditional strawberry shortcake dessert - which was divine - & a slice of cherry cheesecake.  Our waiter - also having been told that it was our anniversary - brought out a plate decorated with "Happy Anniversary" in chocolate sauce!  As I gazed out the window by our booth, I felt such contentedness at being with this amazing man.  He makes life so special!

This is really good so far, huh?  It doesn't compare with what awaited me as we returned to the hotel!  Now, you may know that our song - my favorite song - is Louis Armstrong's "La Vie En Rose".  And, you may also know that Michael & I both really like "Brown-Eyed Girl".  Well, my precious husband sneaked in a portable CD player, & we danced to both of these songs.  I have to admit, that when "La Vie En Rose" began to play, & I realized what he had done, I cried.  Following that up with "Brown-Eyed Girl" was smart, because the peppiness of it made me laugh.  As he twirled me around the room, I exclaimed, "I feel like Julia Roberts!"

You would think that was enough, right?  As Sweet T would say, my love tank was definitely full.  Apparently, my darling Michael wanted it to overflow!  He had also brought up his "Things I Love" list for us to read through.  We each made lists of the things we love early on in our relationship.  It was a good way to get to know each other better, & it's also a great tool for surprising someone on any special occasion.  Well, Michael brought his so we could read through all the things he liked about me then & he could reaffirm them.  Isn't that sweet?!  Guess what else he brought for us to read through . . . our vows.  We read them responsively so that he read his parts & I read mine.  We even kissed when he's told to "kiss his bride"!  Remember that whirlpool tub I mentioned earlier?  A little while later, he called me into the candlelit bathroom for a bubble bath!  It was the absolute perfect night celebrating our 4 years together, & I fell asleep perfectly contented.

The next day, the celebration continued as we visited Michael's favorite restaurant - Johnny Ray's - for lunch.  Just before we had left the hotel, Michael snuck a love letter into my purse.  I pulled it out & read it aloud when we finished eating lunch.  It was a good thing that we sat by the window so that I could turn away from the rest of the patrons while I cried.  He expressed such love for & happiness with me that my heart was fit to burst!  After drying up - & eating pie - we went to Solid Ground Christian Books for Michael's anniversary present & spent a good 2 hours visiting with Mike Gaydosh.  He's such a dear man to us both!  Michael got some great books, & we had some wonderful fellowship with this lovely man.  Of course, a stop by Costco is mandatory on any visit to "the big city", some of the fruits of which are being enjoyed by the puppies as we speak!  While there, my beloved purchased an exquisite bouquet of sunflowers!  I tied them up with ribbon & have them sitting right where I'll experience their loveliness most.  They're such happy flowers!  After leaving Costco, we picked up the dogs, got settled at home, & then enjoyed dinner at Olive Garden.  (Needless to say, we won't be eating out for months!)  It was so funny:  upon hearing Michael tell our waitress that it was our anniversary, 2 other couples right by us announced their anniversaries as well!  As I watched those other couples off & on (my attention was really taken up with Michael), I noticed that the husbands were rather unengaged.  Once again, I was filled with thankfulness to be married to my beloved, who was completely focused on me.  He is remarkable!

I know this is long, but I hope you've enjoyed my gushing over Michael & his anniversary surprise for me.  I'm only going to keep you long enough to tell you one more thing, a part of one of our conversations, from me to Michael:

"I have no need for purchased gifts, for what store could possibly contain anything to even remotely compare to the gift you are to me?  When God gave me you, He gave me everything I ever wanted."

I love you, my darling Michael!  Happy Anniversary!

Adventures with Josie

Cute, isn't she?  Don't let that face fool you, though, she is not innocent!  She is lovable, energetic, funny, eager to please . . . and has a serious case of wanderlust.  Michael told me when we got her that she was going to break my heart with her propensity for climbing fences.  Today, she very nearly did.  Little Miss Josie is clever enough to wait until I walk away from my back door look-out post to make her escape, as she did this afternoon.  Normally, she's just nosing around the magnolia tree when I catch her, but today, when I went back to check, she was nowhere to be found & didn't respond to my frantic calls.  I fled through the house - trying not to disturb Michael, who was still sleeping off his work night - jumped in the truck, & tore off down the road screaming her name from the open windows.  I was a puddle of tears by the time I stopped to ask some neighbors if they had seen her; they probably thought I was crazy.  Of course, the whole time, I was praying in short bursts.  Pretty much all I could get out was, "Please, God, please!"  As I left the neighbors & turned around, there she was, heading back home.  When she heard me calling, she thought I was home, & she was booking it for the backyard.  But as soon as she realized where I was, she wiggled her way to me, at which point I sobbingly scooped her up & drove her home.  Somehow, Michael had known something was wrong & was waiting on the front porch as we pulled up.  Once I got her settled, I dissolved into tears on his shoulder.  He was none too happy with her for the distress she caused me, but I'm just happy she's home safe & sound, contentedly demolishing a rawhide as we speak.  Silly girl.  We're definitely going to have to do something about that fence.

Seeing Jesus in Genesis

“Adam and Eve faced temptation about a tree in a bright, sunny garden, a paradise with no pressure. But Christ faced temptation about a tree in a dark garden, a garden given the name that meant ‘oil press,’ and certainly he felt squeezed like an olive in a press on that dark night, to the point that his sweat was like drops of blood.

If Adam and Eve obeyed God about the tree, they would live. If Jesus obeyed God about the tree, he would die.

Jesus obeyed. And through his obedience he gained for us far more than Adam lost for us through his disobedience.

Adam lost for us the beautiful ‘naked and not ashamed’ of the garden. But at the cross, Christ hung naked and full of shame. It wasn’t his own shame. It was your shame and my shame. He ‘endured the cross, despising the shame’ (Heb. 12:2) so that ‘everyone who believes in him will not be put to shame’ (Rom. 10:11).”

~Nancy Guthrie, The Promised One: Seeing Jesus in Genesis
Of First Importance

When You're Smiling ~ Louis Armstrong

Dedicated to my beloved, whose beautiful smile always brings out my own.

Spring Has Sprung! Again!

I promised what seems like ages ago now that I would share Spring pictures from this year.  The early Spring has turned out to be a short Spring as well.  However, while the blooms have been more brief, they have still been a beautiful testimony to God's creativity.  Enjoy!

GirlTalk Gems

Sorry for the very, very long absence.  I just haven't had the desire to share much of anything.  But I came across these gems from GirlTalk & just had to break my silence.

Equality in Marriage?

"I once had lively discussion with a brother who insisted that in his relationship everything was equal, and that this was the hallmark of their marriage. To him equal meant same and therefore interchangeable. He proudly rejected the idea of male initiation and female response. And what is more, he thought he was serving the cause of women in this.

I responded by saying that in my marriage, my wife and I never think about equality, though if forced to think about it we would affirm our mutual worth before God. Instead, I see my wife as better and more precious than I--of greater worth. And I told him my wife took no offense in this matter. Indeed she gets upset with me precisely at the point when I start treating her as my equal. To her it feels like a step down."

~John Ensor, Doing Things Right In Matters of the Heart, p. 95

Submission & Spiritual Gifts

Yet another way we can misapply submission is by assuming it squashes a woman's gifts. But that is not God's intent for submission. Remember, "each has received a gift" (1 Pet 4:10). This means every Christian: no exceptions and no reversals. We have each been given talents and spiritual gifts by God and we are called to use them, as it says in this verse "to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace."
 
Submission does not limit a woman's gifts, but provides a safety zone in which they can flourish. A humble husband will not assume he is the best at everything or exercise his leadership in an arrogant or domineering way. A wise husband will encourage, nourish, and cultivate his wife's gifts for the good of the family and the church. And a godly wife will welcome that kind of godly leadership.

In some cases, submission means that at we heed our husband's encouragement to step out and use our gifts, even if we are hesitant or afraid. And at other times, submission means we follow our husband when he thinks we should pull back from serving, because we are overextended to the detriment of our spiritual health or family life.

So a submissive wife isn't on the sidelines--she's a good steward of God's varied grace. And a wise and loving husband takes seriously his responsibility to encourage his wife to use her gifts for the glory of God.

You Are My All in All

Awry Plans Redirected

Wow!  This week has been a doozie!  Proverbs 16:9 says, "A man's heart plans his way, But the Lord directs his steps."  That was definitely the case this week!  Of course, it always is, but it seems to be more evident when God's directives are completely contrary to our plans.

Our Plans:
     -Monday:  Paint & rehang the porch swing
     -Tuesday:  Woodworking (Michael), spend the night @ Beth & Chris'
     -Wednesday:  Visit a dairy farm, go berry picking, & make jam
     -Thursday:  T.E.A. time, sew a new skirt, couples' Bible study
     -Friday:  Grocery shopping, clean house

God's Directives:
     -Monday:  Call from Mama, pack to go to LA, shelter @ Michael's mother's house through a tornado warning
     -Tuesday:  Leave very early, take care of house business, see family, spend the night with Daddy
     -Wednesday:  Leave for home even earlier, doctor's appointment for Michael, crash exhausted for afternoon/evening nap
     -Thursday:  Lunch with Sweet T & Sommer, raging migraine that won't quit
     -Friday:  Load up the dogs & head to the hospital parking deck to take shelter for a few hours under yet another tornado warning, begin reading Pilgrim's Progress

Michael queried what God's purposes for this past week could have been.  I'm not sure, but I think one of them could have been that we were given an opportunity to cheerfully give up our plans to follow His, without question or grumbling.  I'm sorry to say that we failed magnificently.  Instead of looking at these disruptions to our plans as God sovereignly working out His plan for our lives for this week, we moaned & groaned not a little over these inconveniences.  We weren't trusting, we were annoyed.  Why is it so much easier to accept God's sovereign plan in grand ways, but so difficult to do so in the ins & outs of our days?  Perhaps the best way to look at this whole thing is that our plans were awry & were redirected by God.

Jesus Knows

“The Good Shepherd Jesus knows you well, though you may not think it. You never shed a secret tear over your own corruption, you never breathed a single prayer for forgiveness and helping grace, you never made a single struggle against wickedness, which He did not remark and note down in the book of His remembrance.

You need not fear His not understanding your needs, you need not be afraid your prayers are too poor and unlearned to be attended to. He knows your particular necessities far better than you do yourselves, and your humble supplications are no sooner offered up than heard.

If you transgress He will grieve—but He will chasten and bring you back; if you bear good fruit, He will rejoice and give more grace; if you sorrow He will bind up your broken heart and pour in balm. He is ever watching and observing and listening. No believer is so humble and lowly, but He is acquainted with all their ways.”

~J.C. Ryle, "The Privileges of the True Christian"
Of First Importance

Dear Christian,

If you haven't heard me say so before, I'll say now that Stepping Heavenward is my favorite book.  Each time I read it, I identify with Katy all the way through.  I am convicted, encouraged, & my passion for Christ grows deeper with each perusal.  I'm rereading it now & would like to share a part of this phenomenal book with you today.  This is a letter from Katy's minister, Dr. Cabot, addressing her lament that she is like the blind man in Mark 8:24.  I'm going to start not quite halfway through this beautiful letter & stop before the end of it; even though it's long, I pray it will be as profitable for y'all as it always is for me.  I encourage you to read it as though it's written to you; read it 2 or 3 times even.  Drink in the words & let your very soul be filled with wonder that we are so loved by God.

Having been pardoned by your God & Savior, the next thing you have to do is to show your gratitude for this infinite favor by consecrating yourself entirely to Him, body, soul, & spirit.  This is the least you can do.  He has bought you with a price, & you are no longer your own.  "But," you may reply, "this is contrary to my nature.  I love my own way.  I desire ease & pleasure; I desire to go to heaven, but I want to be carried thither on a bed of flowers.  Can I not give myself so far to God as to feel a sweet sense of peace with Him, & be sure of final salvation, & yet, to a certain extent, indulge & gratify myself?  If I give myself entirely away to Him, & lose all ownership in myself, He may deny me many things I greatly desire.  He may make my life hard & wearisome, depriving me of all that now makes it agreeable."  But, I reply, this is no matter of parley & discussion; it is not optional with God's children whether they will pay Him a part of the price they owe Him, & keep back the rest.  He asks, & He has a right to ask, for all you have & all you are.  And if you shrink from what is involved in such a surrender, you should fly to Him at once & never rest till He has conquered this secret disinclination to give to Him as freely & as fully as He has given to you.  It is true that such an act of consecration on your part may involve no little future discipline & correction.  As soon as you become the Lord's by your own deliberate & conscious act, He will begin that process of sanctification which is to make you holy as He is holy, perfect as He is perfect.  He becomes at once your Physician as well as your dearest & best Friend, but He will use no painful remedy that can be avoided.  Remember that it is His will that you should be sanctified, & that the work of making you holy is His, not yours.  At the same time you are not to sit with folded hands, waiting for this blessing.  You are to avoid laying hindrances in His way, & you are to exercise faith in Him as just as able & just as willing to give you sanctification as He was to give you redemption.  And now if you ask how you may know that you have truly consecrated yourself to Him, I reply, observe every indication of His will concerning you, no matter how trivial, & see whether you at once close in with that will.  Lay down this principle as a law - God does nothing arbitrary.  If He takes away your health, for instance, it is because He has some reason for doing so; & this is true of everything you value; & if you have real faith in Him you will not insist on knowing this reason.  If you find, in the course of daily events, that your self-consecration was not perfect - that is, that your will revolts at His will - do not be discouraged, but fly to your Savior & stay in His presence till you obtain the spirit in which He cried in His hour of anguish "Father, if it is Your will, take this cup away from Me:  nevertheless not My will, but Yours be done" (Luke 22:42).  Every time you do this it will be easier to do it; every such consent to suffer will bring you nearer & nearer to Him; & in this nearness to Him you will find such peace, such blessed, sweet peace, as will make your life infinitely happy, no matter what may be its mere outside conditions.  Just think, my dear Katy, of the honor & the joy of having your will one with the Divine will, & so becoming changed into Christ's image from glory to glory!  (pg. 62-63)

Happy 90th Birthday, Granny!

Today is my dear sweet Granny's 90th birthday!  She's lived a long & wonderful life & is one of the most precious ladies you will ever meet.  I just got off the phone with her & just loved hearing her happy, melodious voice!  She's enjoying her new apartment & socializing some.  She was very pleased with the balloons that were affixed to her dining room chair for this special day & said she had fun at her party on Saturday.  It's hard to not be able to see her very often, & I hope she understands that our distance is the cause.  I thought about writing a new post in honor of this milestone, but really don't see how I can top last year's (which I hope you'll read).  So, I'll just say, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GRANNY!  I LOVE YOU!!"

Practicing Submission

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, His body, and is Himself its Savior.  Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

~Ephesians 5:22-24

Let's be honest here - this is easier said than done.  Even someone who loves this teaching, such as myself, has trouble putting it into practice with consistency.  I know I need to submit to Michael, I want to submit to Michael & so honor both him & God, but I'm stubbornly independent at times.  Like a mule!

We spent Thursday evening at the couples' Bible study, & our pastor asked a nearby couple what the biggest adjustment to marriage has been for them.  If I had been asked that question, I would have replied without hesitation, "Submission."  It's hard to have a staunch opinion on how something should be done & then have to act contrary to it.  But submission doesn't happen when Michael & I are in agreement.  Submission takes place when we have differing plans & I willingly put mine aside to embrace his.

I've been convicted over the last couple of days about how far short I have fallen in this area.  So, with God's help, I'm working to do a better job of putting my convictions into practice.  I got that chance Thursday.  That morning I spent a couple of hours at the ladies' Bible study, & then headed to the grocery store for a few items.  When I made it home, my plan was to fix lunch & then bake a cake for that evening's couples' Bible study.  However, Michael had other plans.  He's built some shelves in our storage shed & wanted me to help him move some boxes out there & get things organized.  So, he asked me to go back to the store & buy a dessert.  Uncharacteristically, I happily & easily agreed with nary an argument or sour expression.  Point 1 for Chrissy!  But that's not all.  Poor sweet fella was famished by this time, so my plans for cooking lunch went out the window.  God graciously gave me another opportunity to practice submission, & I'll tell you how that worked itself out in just a second, but first let me give you some background.  Michael & I are wanting to eat healthier & lose weight, so we haven't eaten out in almost 2 weeks.   It's working, too!  We're both losing weight (of course, him more than me) & saving money to boot!  So, we're both heavily opposed to eating out.  Cue conversation.

Me:  "Okay, I have an idea, but I think you're probably going to shoot it down.  Since we're short on time, & you're so hungry, why don't I head over to Chick-fil-A?"

Michael:  "No.  We're doing really well, & I don't want to mess that up."

Me:  "It's not like we'd be eating out just because we want to; there are extenuating circumstances.  I think this is the best choice right now.  But, I'll leave it up to you.  We'll do whatever you want."

Michael:  (after some consideration)  "Okay, but what are you going to get?"

Me:  "The regular.  A number one, well done.  Although, we don't have to get the drink.  So, 2 sandwiches & fries."

Michael:  "What size fries?"

Me:  (somewhat bashfully, because I know where this is going)  "Large."

Michael:  (even though he knows he's talking to a fry addict)  "We should get medium.  We're small people.  Small people don't need large fries."

Me:  (after much consideration) "Alright.  Medium.  This submission thing sucks."  (said with a smile)

Michael:  (as I'm walking to the door)  "Have you ever had the grilled sandwiches?  We should -"

Me:  "Submission over!  I am not getting grilled!"

End result:  I came home with 2 Chick-fil-A chicken sandwiches, well done, & 2 medium fries.  You didn't honestly expect me to do the grilled ones, did you?!

Obviously, I need some more practice.  ;-)